Oh Happy Day!

Well, it's probably time for an update on Mama Bear and LIFE! How sweet it is :) Before I begin, i'll apologize in advance if my grammar and/or sanity get lost in translation. The repairmen came to fix a bunch of things in the apartment, so you know what THAT means! Yep, i've been inhaling the wonderful fragrances of GLUE, DRYWALL, and PAINT for the last 5-6 hours. joy. 
Anyway...
Mama Bear had her check up with the good doctor on Tuesday to see if we would need to go through with another transplant. Fuck. The days leading up to the appointment were filled with absolute DREAD as I had been almost 100% sure that she would have to go in (which would have been the following Thursday aka TWO.DAYS.LATER). Over the break, I had the chance to go back to the Tom Baker Cancer Centre for one of her chemo sessions and was able to look over her blood work. Her CBCs were pretty stable, but her Total Protein, which is a mix of both good protein and BAD protein (aka Myeloma protein), had gone up a little. Based on our history, rises in the total protein have never been because of the good protein going up. Aside from that, her Beta-2-Microglobulin levels had also gone up a little as well... Recent discussions on the ListServ on this matter have informed me that it is a new prognostic measure for myeloma patients. In other words, you do not want this number going up. Of course, I didn't tell her any of this because I didn't want her to worry. But all these things combined led me to believe that a transplant would definitely happen. Needless to say, it wouldn't have been a very good start to the new year. But, to my surprise, my mom answered the phone with sunshine in her voice, saying that her m-spike (myeloma protein) had actually gone DOWN from 13 to 11. Granted, it's not a lot, but any decrease is a step in the right direction, yes? That was a SHOCK. Our doctor had also said that her FreeLite Chain things (i'm still unsure about what these are exactly, so i'll have to research it a bit more) went down a lot. Apparently, it is a better indicator of where you're at than the m-spike? This, i'm not too convinced. I'm a little skeptical. Why had we never looked at these numbers in all the appointments before???? So, it's still something that requires a little more investigation on my part. But I do trust our doctor. He's a very good man, I just don't understand what's really happening and need to gain a little more information/control on my part. Anyway, he recommended, instead of a transplant, adding on another drug, Revlimid, to her current regimen. That brings the total to a chemo cocktail of 4 different drugs: Dexamethasone (Dex), Revlimid, Bortezomib (Velcade), and Cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan). Technically, Dex is a steroid, but whatever. A drug is a drug. I'm not the most elated with adding another drug to her regimen, as the body can only handle so much. And with the recent findings that Revlimid can cause secondary cancers, well... yeah. But I suppose it's better than the alternative, yes? I'm pretty sure another transplant is due down the road, but right now is probably one of the worst times to do one. Flus, slippery ice, cold weather, etc. do NOT make for an easy recovery. Regardless though, I'm extremely grateful that that day was filled with good news, more so that my mom didn't have to receive any bad news. I could tell BOTH my parents were relieved. It's funny though. The night before, I prayed, like any other night. But instead I decided to ask just that the appointment would go well. Just one thing, not a whole list of things like my overall family's health, happiness, etc. One precise, specific thing. And it's like God, or someone, heard my prayers. So since then i've just been sending up prayers of gratitude and thanks. Aside from the obvious, I have nothing to ask for right now and plenty to be thankful for. I can tell we're all growing a little weary of this, but anytime you receive good news, it   fuels the fires that push you forward. A dear friend of ours, whom we met during this whole ordeal, recently came thisclose to dying. From what I was told, his numbers came back so high they asked the technicians if there was a mistake, perhaps in a decimal placement or something. But nope, they were the real numbers. This was all in the post-transplant recovery in the hospital, so you can imagine just how discouraging that would have been. This is hard for me to write because it could happen to anyone affected with cancer, but it was suggested that they call family members to say their good-byes. That...is just heartbreaking. But. One morning, the numbers came back and...THEYWEREZERO!!! Miracles happen, my friends. Keep the faith and never give up. 


So that pretty much brings you up to speed on where the family is at. In other news, I'm just about to start the Phase II of my fundraiser and awareness campaign "Monsters Against Myeloma". If you've been following the blog, you'll probably know what it is :) Someone had heard about our cause and very graciously donated their own tickets to Lady Gaga's concert in Salt Lake City in March. So i'm supersupersuper excited (and supersupersuper busy) to get this thing up and running ASAP, hopefully by the start/middle of next week! I plan on contacting the media within a couple days to get the word out. So if any of you, my beloved readers, know anyone in the Salt Lake City area wanting to go to a Lady Gaga concert (c'monnn, who WOULDN'T?!), please let them know about our event! I realize fundraising can seem a bit daunting sometimes, but our last winner from the summer won two tickets with $250 dollars raised (most of our donations have come from those just wanting to support the cause). It's a lot of money, but also very do-able! So we've got that in the works. I also am in the midst of applying for any sort of volunteer position at the Edmonton Cross Cancer Institute, just to show my gratitude. Over the course of my mom's treatment, the volunteers and nurses really were the unsung heroes. I cannot even begin to tell you how much these men and women do, how much love and care pours out of them. While doctors are amazing, these people are truly the faces of care and treatment and are severely underrated in our society. So I really want to try and give back to the community to show my gratitude and help others who are going through what I went through just over a year ago. If any of you, my readers, have not been directly affected by cancer, I would highly recommend volunteering at a local cancer center. Yes, it will be very uncomfortable at first. I remember the first day we went in for treatment. Dear lord, that was horrible and very unsettling. But you get used to it, as with all things, and have the opportunity (because it really is an opportunity) to meet the most amazing and courageous people, and have your lives changed. Forever. 
Either than that, school is keeping me on the hustle as usual, studying lecture notes (yeah, right), looking for internships, and getting involved. BUSYBUSYBUSY! 


Hope all is well with you, my readers.
Sending good vibes into the universe and you.

L

Super

Ok. I SERIOUSLY have to change my sleeping patterns here. Constant late nights have tricked my body into thinking 4am is my regular bedtime. It is now 5:55 am... CURSES!

Thought writing a blog post would exhaust whatever remaining reserves I have in my brain to let me sleep. Have you ever wondered what you would choose if you were given the choice of a super power? Or perhaps 3 wishes from a genie? Or do I really have that much time on my hands... (Don't judge)

The question pops into my head at random intervals throughout the year. Random, of course, meaning monday afternoons in the middle of an economics lectures (I despise Mondays...). But what would you choose? Perhaps time travel or super-human strength? Invisibility (youuuu pervert) or regenerative powers? Up until diagnosis, I definitely would have said time control. That would have meant no more all-nighters and cramming. But then again, those powers would be in direct conflict with my already existing ones of procrastination. It would bring a wholllle new meaning to "last minute", you don't even KNOW! But now, I think the greatest gift one could receive would be the ability to heal all illnesses. That would be absolutely beautiful. Just think about the sheer number of people's lives you could change! No longer would people have to fear the inability to see their child's graduation, or the fear of not having a parent there at your wedding or see their grandkids grow up. Agh, a man can dream... Of course, then BigPharma probably hire someone to lock you away forever and ever (just kidding.........). But can you imagine? You'd be able to heal people left, right, and center! People would think you'd be the next savior, and then you'd have a REAL interesting situation on your hands! (Can you tell how many times i've thought this one over?)

Dream a little dream...

Panini

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I have a funny story for you.

Scene: Cafeteria getting lunch.

Dad: I wonder what the lunch special is.

*sees sign*

Ill have your roasted chicken punani

Cafeteria Lady: you mean chicken panini?

Dad: Yah! Your chicken PUNANI!

Bahahaha
For those of you who don't know, a "punani" is, basically, another word for...well, a woman's lady bits.

So, essentially, my dad asked the cafeteria lady for some roasted chicken va-jay-jay haha.

Only in my family...
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The Great Divide

Sitting in the clinic while mama bear gets her blood drawn.

Can't stop staring...
My brother's sock tan is RIDIC.

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A Sign?

Went for a drive with Mama bear today, and THIS (pictured below) is what we saw! So beautiful. So peaceful. The elk had the most beautiful (and symmetrical!) set of antlers i've ever seen! Perhaps a sign of strength? It's broken up, but there was a FULL rainbow, from beginning to end! I've never seen the landing pads of a rainbow before! And you can't really see it here, but it was actually a double rainbow! Hopefully this is a sign from someone, letting us know that everything will be ok... A sign of hope? Lord knows we need it.

LaLa Land

Have you ever experienced that odd sense of surrealism during treatment? Maybe surrealism is the wrong word here... Daze? Treatment has become such a regular fixture in our lives that what was once abnormal is now normal. You go through the days, living your new life. And when the times are good, things are usually not that bad. Aside from copious amounts of driving and needles, we have much to be thankful for. And so when you go from cycle to cycle, everything seems to all blend together into this massive clump of a routine that, unless something is different, you don't pay TOO much attention to. Its a bit like blissful ignorance... Maybe not ignorance, but more so of a blissful flatline, if you'll excuse the expression. But I'm not complaining, because no new news is good news. Treatment is going as expected. Today we had a consult for a kyphoplasty procedure, which is where they put this little balloon-thing in your vertebrae and fill it with cement to offset any compression fractures. The primary reason for this procedure is to relieve pain. Considering the fact that my mom's back pain is really the only thing that hinders her from doing the things she used to do (aside from some mild fatigue), this seemed like a great procedure for us. We were able to view the MRI and X-Ray slides she had, and wow. It was like a balloon popping. *snap* just like that, that dream-like state we were in, popped and we were brought back to reality. We were able to see exactly the effect that myeloma had on her bones, and that was like a rude reminder of her condition. We opted to go for the procedure, though, because the positives largely outweighed the negatives. I guess what I trying to say is that... We were enjoying the non-drama-ness (apologies for the baddd english lol) of what had become a routine for us. And now that we're approaching the end of our treatment (for now) and the beginning of what will be an undoubtedly arduous stem cell transplant process, we'll have to stop getting comfy and really gear up again. But, one must do what is necessary in order to be better again right? And of course, what is necessary is hardly ever easy. I think... The trick to being happy, because that is just as important as health (if not more), is to think you'll be ok. You have to view this as a chronic disease instead of something more ominous and dark. That's it, that's the trick. Because it is much more easier and comforting to try to lead a normal life if you see the disease in a different light. How can you possibly enjoy life if you are constantly thinking of how many more days you have left? It's more anxiety, pressure, and stress than anyone can handle, I'm sure! It is not a way to live. You are not being ignorant by approaching myeloma as a chronic disease because you are still very much aware of your condition, and more importantly, are taking the right measures to get better. We are very, very, very fortunate to have drugs out there that are not the stereotypical form of chemotherapy aka vomiting, nausea, hair-loss, etc. If you saw my mom, you would never think she had cancer. She looks very healthy. Maybe a little tired, but who isn't tired these days? What would be ignorant would be to stick your head in the sand and pretend like nothing is wrong... Until it is too late. I understand that fear can often be crippling, but what is more scary than cancer is the promise of death due to inaction. I'm sure by now you probably think this post is a bit random, that's because it is. I'm not really heading in any direction with this. Just saying what's on my mind :)
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Owie.

Just got a B12 shot. I didn't even feel the needle, but wowwwww. Afterwards it felt like I got charlie-horsed by a bulldozer. So a word of advice, don't get the needle in your butt. Get the arm. It only lasts for about 20 minutes though. I'm running on three hrs of sleep right now and I actually feel energized! Not tired! Weeee! For any students out there like me, this might come in handy come midterm season or finals as these are used for energy and nerve preservation/regeneration. Make sure it is methylcobalamin form of B12, NOT cyanocobalamin.
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Must...find...COFFEE!
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Hello Good Morning

It's quarter to 6am and I've been awake for about an hour. Going on about four hours of sleep right now and, surprisingly, I am NOT TIRED! The fact that I have not downed five cups of coffee yet is quite astonishing. Maybe I'm so tired that I'm not tired??? Haha. Busy day ahead! Plan to get lots of work done so you can expect a post or two later on today :)
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Be Still My Beating Heart

Sitting in Emerg at the local hospital right now... Not impressed. My mom was outside on the lounge chair all "la dee da". That was until she basically freaked out from a bug bite that felt "worse than a needle". No evidence of any bug or stinger, but there IS a bump that looks similar to a mosquito bite (except bigger). So, we thought we would have it checked out just in case. When you have cancer, there is nothing you can't be too safe about. But seriously, a bit of a break would be nice. I know they say that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle, but... I mean, is it really necessary to have it get to that point??? Luckily, no signs of anything gone wrong except symptoms of a typical bug bite (maybe a spider?), but I told my mom to stay out of trouble. OBVIOUSLY, she wants nothing more than that, but sometimes I feel like I have to wrap her up in bubble wrap in order to let her be on her own. It would be nice if we could have a drama-free stint. Plus, tomorrow I have to wake up at 530am to take my dad for an angiocardiogram to see if he has angina or not. CHERRY ON TOP! I'm hoping once this week is over, things will calm down. In other unrelated and random news, I have recently discovered that the path I frequent for jogs is also one that is favoured by a particular cougar (for the last month!). Joy. And there was apparently a bear in central park this week. Guess these things are to be expected when you live in the mountains?
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OZ!

Currently watching Dr. Oz's show on cancer prevention. Dr. David Servan-Schreiber, who is the author of "AntiCancer: A New Way of Life", of which I have been featuring quite frequently on WW, is a guest on the show. TUNE IN peeps!
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An Observation...

What does it mean when you see a full "new patient" orientation group every week in the cancer ward? It means people are getting sick. And more frequently. Not cool.

It also means that, even in a society as advanced as ours, we are still doing something wrong. Basic nutrition and well-being are so so important in prevention and treatment, my friends. Now is the time for change.
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No Pee

Four simple words: 24-hr Urine Test

I saw this little note in the bathroom today and thought it was cute. I'm sure you can all relate to the pains of this test. Last time we forgot to collect, and the whole test was RUINED! It's enough to throw someone into a conniption fit of epic proportions.
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NOOOOOOOOOO!

Had some technical difficulties sooo let's pretend this was posted yesterday morning shall we?
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To Die or Not to Die

Recently, there has been an issue that I have debated writing about just because of how controversial it is. One day I’ll write a couple paragraphs on it, the next I’ll scrap everything. It’s a subject that I feel leaves many of us divided in our opinions towards the matter. Lately, however, in light of some current events, I’ve decided to go ahead with it. Not only because I use this blog as a place to voice my thoughts and opinions, but also because I do believe this issue is a relevant one that needs to be addressed. Besides, controversy can be good. It’s an opportunity for us all to think and speak. In addition, this subject has been at the back of my mind for a couple weeks like a secret brain ninja judo-chopping my meninges, fighting to be released! Not so much fun, as you can imagine…

The last issue of Maclean’s magazine covered an interesting topic that led to its purchase for further reading. Basically, it discussed the debate between those against and those for assisted suicide. See what I mean? The article personified the issue through its profile of a lovely little lady by the name of Bernice Packford from Victoria, BC. It read, “She’s happy. She’s healthy. She wants to die. Should we help her?” Interesting…

First, some important information. Although they are often associated with each other, it’s probably important, in matters like these, to distinguish the difference between assisted suicide and euthanasia (because there is a big difference). According to the article, “assisted suicide involves the passive participation of a medical professional in an individual’s decision to take their own life. This may take the form of dispensing a lethal pill or providing advice. In either case, it’s the patient who ultimately takes the decisive action. Euthanasia, in contrast, involves a positive action on the part of a doctor to end a life at that person’s request – by administering the fatal dose, for example.” So basically, the difference between the two is based on who takes the primary action in the ending of a life. It’s a little ironic though. If euthanasia were to be put into effect, those who were committed to saving lives would also now be committed to ending lives. God, is that you?! The magazine expresses these sentiments as well. “Of the two options, euthanasia is easily the most disturbing. Having taken an oath to ‘do no harm,’ it is intrinsically wrong for a medical professional to play an active role in the death of a patient”.

Now, this is where Bernice comes into play. Her argument, as you may have guessed, is “pro” in the death with dignity debate. She states, “I am in good health. I’m not suffering from an illness that will be eventually fatal”… “I’m tired and I do suffer from congestive heart failure [which robs her of energy and requires her to use a walker]. I can have a stroke. I’ve had a stroke, and I recovered from that. I’m facing imminent sickness or a stroke, which will leave me conscious and helpless. And that thought fills me with horror.” Essentially, what Bernice is fighting for is the right to die on her own terms, to die with dignity. This would allow her to have her family with her on the “big” day and ultimately, die in peace. Now, this is the part where I am often left sitting on the fence. No one can blame this woman for wanting to go out with dignity. It’s not so much Bernice that I am opposed to, in fact she seems like a very lovely woman and a strong contributor to society. Instead, it is the act and the justification of suicide that this movement advocates that I am against. Regardless of what I think, however, it’s important to acknowledge that these are very muddy waters we tread. If legislation in support of assisted suicide were to pass, where would the line be drawn? I can understand the justification from those in considerable amounts of pain or vegetative states, but for someone in relatively good health to so readily ask for death? As others have mentioned, what about those who are depressed and in other altered states of mind? If such legislation were to pass, it would send a message out to people, out to our kids, that suicide would be a justifiable action to pursue. I’m sure many of you have seen headlines boldly displaying the prevalence of bullying-related suicides? What about those kids? I can only IMAGINE how many ways such a legislation could go wrong, or God forbid, abused. Despite these reasons, on a more personal note, I feel like this whole debate screams “ungrateful”. Ultimately… I feel like this issue is a huge slap in the face. It is a cold, hard, and cruel smack to everyone out there fighting to save their lives and the lives of their loved ones. It is offensive to me because I know people out there in the world and people in my life that are fighting WITH EVERY OUNCE OF THEIR BEING to stay alive, hoping to live just another day. And in the meantime, others who are perfectly healthy and, really, have nothing to complain about, are out there trying to fight for their right to end the very thing we are working so hard to save. Talk about a kick when you’re down. It’s like…someone working years and years to build something beautiful only to have it destroyed by someone who won’t have a second thought about it. Bad example, I know.

I’ve talked to others to get their opinions on the issue, and was actually quite surprised to hear from many that they believed suicide was a justifiable “way out” – excluding those in considerable amounts of pain and vegetative states. I’m sorry but I am STILL having a hard time grasping that concept. Yes, I understand that many people feel like there is no way out, but I truly do not believe that suicide is ever the option! Would you consider it such a justifiable action if it were your family member or friend in the position? No, you wouldn’t ever want them to give up.

Now, I want to be clear on something before anyone gets too worked up. When people decide to go into hospice, to me, that is not giving up. In fact, it is the complete opposite. I think all cancer patients are true fighters. Ever since we were diagnosed, I have never met more courageous, spirited, and supportive people than those affected by this disease. When a person makes the decision to go into hospice, I think that, in and of itself, is a tremendous show of strength and bravery. It is not giving up, it is a shift in focus. These brave men and women have instead decided to fight for quality of life. It must be an extremely hard decision to make and one that I don’t think I would ever have enough courage to muster up. Kudos to them.

On the magazine’s site, another person brought up a good point:

However, a large number of people that do commit suicide would probably regret having done so. How do we know that? Because there are a large number or people who have been prevented from committing suicide, most of whom regret their suicide attempt. Public policy must assume that people who want to kill themselves (I suppose we can make an exception for the terminally ill) are irrational, and don’t really want to do so. Why? Because it is usually true, and, frankly, if somebody really and truly wants to die, they can easily succeed. What Bernice Packford wants is for somebody else to take responsibility for her life. She wants to institutionalize and bureaucratize suicide. One might reason that she would feel guilty if she killed herself on her own. She damn well should, because suicide is a profoundly painful experience for everybody who cares for her. Far more so than death, I should add, which has no assocations of guilt. Suicide is illegal, at least for healthy individuals. But it is also unenforceable if somebody really wants to go through with it. That is the way it should be. Those that truly want to die, can easily succeed. At the same time our public policy response must be to try with every fibre of our being to keep people alive.

When it really comes down to it… I just feel like we are taking too many things for granted. Life is precious, life is valuable. It pisses me off that, as my mom (and millions like her) fights so very hard for her life (to the point of sheer exhaustion), there are those out there that would try to pass a law to end lives. It’s a deeply complicated and emotional issue. I know some of you, perhaps many of you, will get upset over this and I can respect that. This is just me being completely honest and sincere to myself and those reading this blog. I feel like I’m ranting now, so I’ll let it soak.

Provided is a link of the article featured in Maclean’s: Bernice

*UPDATE*

Ugh! I was reading the Globe and Mail today and found an article about a Minnesota man by the name of William Melchert-Dinkel, 47, who was charged for "aiding" in the suicides of two people via online chat rooms - apparently for the "thrill of the chase". What is wrong with people?! According to Melchert-Dinkel, he had entered into 10 or 11 suicide pacts in the past. Most recently, he had convinced an Ottawa university student, Nadia Kajouji (who, might I add, was battling DEPRESSION), to jump into the frozen Rideau River in March of 2008.

Now, when I mentioned previously about how legislation in support of assisted suicide could go wrong or be abused, this is exactly that kind of situation. How does one truly differentiate between assisted suicide and perhaps a more devious intent or ensure that it does not conflict/contradict with other existing laws? In regards to this case, conviction is unclear because of "jurisdiction, its online nature, and the fact that the Minnesota law against aiding in a suicide (which applies to anyone who 'advises, encourages, or assists another in taking the other's own life') is also viewed as untested, and vulnerable to a challenge under U.S. First Amendment free-speech laws."

ARE YOU SERIOUS???

You can read the full article here

Amazingosityyy

Come Onnn!

Well... Mother Nature sure seems to have a cruel sense of humour. Two days ago, there were people walking on the streets with shorts on, and today I wake up to see THIS. Its beautiful, but really? Was that really necessary? Oh Mother Nature, you tease...
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A Frog for a Friend

In any kind of situation, you have your good days and your bad days. For the majority of our treatment so far, things have been going quite excellently. Velcade and Dex have not limited my mom from being active and going for daily walks, catching some fresh air, and just being optimistic and happy. The last two days however, not so much. I'm not sure if this is something that we should be expecting with treatment, but fatigue would be quite the understatement. Her body is in so much pain that she needs assistance walking, getting out of bed, and sitting down. Sleepless nights follow long days, leaving us all thoroughly exhausted. Ironically, she is in more pain in the mornings (after sleeping(=rest)), than in the evenings. We were even at the point where we were set to take her to emergency because we thought she might have fractured something, due to her pain. It scares me... A lot. But I'm going to try and stay optimistic and hopeful here. We all are. Sometimes, that's the only thing that keeps you going, hoping that tomorrow will bring you a new day devoid of any (or as much) pain and stress as today and yesterday. Hope.

In other news, I decided to buy my mom a fish to cheer her up. I'm not sure if it was maybe the medication talking, but on the way home from treatment the other day, she said she wanted a fish. We thought she meant sushi. But no, a fish. Like a pet. So I went to the petstore and came home with a bright red fighting fish.... and dwarf frog. Random, I know. But I will go to the ends of the earth for her, and yesterday that meant the pet store. Have yet to name them, but they're quite the pair. At first, the fish got a little "wtf" which I guess would be normal, considering it went from living in a tiny little cup with only itself for company, to a huge vase with a frog for a friend. But now its used to it :) However, today I fed them and the fish got to a lot of the food before the frog. I think that might have ticked it off because the frog proceeded to give the fish a couple nips before swimming under a rock to be by its bitter self. Quite the pair huh?
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Just Kiddinggg

Found it. :)
It was hiding in my bag...which was literally beside me the whole time I was freaking out. I found my first-born!!! I am happy :)
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Oh Hellllll Nah

On my way to calgary for another day of treatment....SANS my ipod. I may be calm and reserved on the surface (at the moment), but inside exists a raging banshee that WILL NOT cease to freak out until I find the whereabouts of the device in question. The last time I had it was at the gym and I am praying to the misplaced-items gods that I did not leave it there. I might as well have misplaced my first-born child. Am I being dramatic, you ask? Not at all. Today I embark on a quest to find my first-born and sew it into my arm so I never ever lose it again (we can discuss charging another time). Wish me luck!
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