Stem Cell City

Lisa Ray, a stunning actress that was diagnosed with MM, fights for stem cell awareness and research! For more information on Stem Cell City, go HERE

Britney Spears II

Before

Ryan!

After

Monsters Against Myeloma!

Britney Spears

The following is a copy of the message I sent out to all the members of our "Monsters Against Myeloma" facebook fanpage:

Subj: Britney Spears!!!

I just shaved my head.

Where to begin, where to begin… If you grew up in the 90’s, like me, you might know what I look like. Yes, that’s right, Krillin from DragonBall Z, minus the robes and muscles. Add in Will Smith ears and, now, a never-ending forehead (or in the words of Rihanna, “5head”), then VOILA!

Spitting. Image.

Two days ago, my family decided that it was time to shave my mom’s hair. To say that that was traumatic would be a small understatement. So yesterday, my brother and I shaved OUR heads to make mama bear feel better. Needless to say, hair is NOT just hair. Hair loss is a common side-effect of chemotherapy seen in cancer patients. Although many will often say that "Hair is just hair, it'll grow back", the issue can often run much deeper. Hair is not just hair, it's something that is a part of our being, like our laughs and our smiles. The hair loss associated with chemotherapy is a strong symbol of a cancer patient's plight. Before all this stuff happened to us, as someone viewing from the outside-in, I used to associate the hair-loss as a sign of frailty, sickness, and vulnerability. However, my perspective on the issue couldn't be any more different now. Now, whenever I see a patient suffering from chemotherapy-induced hair loss, I see it as a true sign of strength. This might sound a bit awkward, but I really do think that this image, this "symbol", is actually quite beautiful. To see someone fighting so hard and willing to do whatever it takes, it is a sign of bravery, strength, and perseverance. One that deserves a standing ovation. I don't usually send out messages that are so personal, but I thought that this was important.

My hopes are that, through this message, your views of the "typical" cancer patient will be changed (if you see them like I once did). That baldness, that fatigue, that struggle. It is something to be admired. These people are *literally* fighting to live, fighting for things that we take for granted every day. They are fighting for a walk in the park, a swim in the lake, a moment to laugh. They are putting every single ounce of their BEING into fighting off a terrifying beast, so much so that they have no energy left to eat, walk, or even talk. This courage and strength is something to be admired. So, without sounding too preach-ey, the next time you see a cancer patient, please keep this message in mind.

In conclusion, I leave you with this:

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. 'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.' So she did, and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she only had two hairs on her head. 'Hmmm,' she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.' So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. 'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going to wear my hair in a ponytail.' So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. 'YEAH!' she exclaimed, 'I don't have to fix my hair today!'

Health, Hope & Happiness my friends

Lance

If you've been following my blog, you'll recognize that a lot of that message mirrors a post I put up earlier titled "Standing Ovation". I think, if we can spread this message to as many people as possible (in this case, 970 members), we can start a shift in attitude that can result in more support and understanding. I have a fairly large platform of young (actually, all ages!) people that I can speak to, so why not take advantage of it?

As you know, my brother and I shaved our heads last night to help support my mom. A few observations:

1. I am almost positive I had more hair when I came out of the womb than I do now.

2. I cannot stop rubbing my head!!! It feels like a peach :)

3. It is shocking how much your hair does for your scalp! It's so sensitive now! And if I walk really fast, I can feel the wind on my head, and DANG is it cold!

Paws Up!

Little Monsters!
I wanted to update everyone on how PHASE I (more on this later!) of M.A.M. went :)

The competition for two floor tickets to Lady Gaga’s Monster Ball at Rexall Place in Edmonton on August 27, 2010 concluded two days ago.

We are pleased to announce that Kathy Chia of Edmonton is the winner. Congratulations Kathy, you’ve earned it!
We would also like to thank everyone who took part in the competition; thank you for participating and helping us raise funds and awareness for this little-known disease.

In addition, thank you to everyone for joining our campaign of awareness and hope. Now, little monsters and myelomaniacs, we are that much closer to making multiple myeloma a household name, a feat that will undoubtedly aid in the discovery of new treatments and, one day, a CURE! This would have never happened without the sheer, collective power of working together for a better future. So again, thank you!

Monsters Against Myeloma is FAR from being over (as we have some VERY exciting news to share with you all soon!), so please encourage all those you know to join our group and follow suit.

We have members here that come from all over the world! From France to Germany to Iceland to Brazil to the States to right here in Canada! Together, united as one, we are capable of achieving anything. We are capable of what, at times, seems like the impossible; we are capable of DEFEATING.CANCER.

We are still accepting donations for the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation. Please visit http://321cure.themmrf.org/site/TR?pg=fund&fr_id=1040&pxfid=9150 or the discussion board of our facebook group for more details.

PAWS UP LITTLE MONSTERS, PAWS UP!

GAGA FOR GAGA! MONSTERS AGAINST MYELOMA! WE.ARE.LIVE!!!

Ok so I just realized that I hadn't made this **VERY** important post yet!!! Tsk tsk. But as i'm sure you can tell, our fundraising effort "Monsters Against Myeloma" is officially LIVE!!! (FINALLY). If you don't know already, basically I am giving away a pair of FLOOR.LADY.GAGA tickets to her August 27 show in Edmonton, Alberta to the person/team that is able to raise the most money for the MMRF (Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation). If you would like to compete, please send us an e-mail indicating so at monstersagainstmyeloma@live.com! If you don't want to compete for these wonderful tickets, but would still like to support our campaign of hope, awareness, strength, and gaga-tude, the steps are SUPER easy!

1. Visit out site here

2. Click on the "Make a Donation" button

3. Fill out the necessary fields

4. (optional) Write your name, donation amount, and a message in our guest book!

*note*: Tax-receipts are mailed out to the address indicated in the billing information

Easy peasy right?! I can't tell you how much your support means to us. We appreciate every word, every hug, every dollar, everything. In the end, we are all working towards the same cause (a CURE!), so hopefully M.A.M. will be able to contribute towards that ambitious, but fully possible and realistic, goal. Even if we only manage to raise a penny, I will still consider M.A.M. a raging success. We started off as a small idea to raise a little money for charity, and exploded into this international, global campaign of hope and awareness. It has been through our global brothers and sisters (yes, YOU!), that we have been able to add an extra step in making Multiple Myeloma a household name. Gaga is the biggest superstar on planet Earth right now. Combining her incredibly passionate (and LARGE) fanbase with all us crazy and super duper myelomaniacs(/myelomics/myelomians), we have been able to communicate our message to the farthest corners of the planet. In our facebook group, we have people from Canada, America, Germany, France, Iceland, Italy, and more! Currently, we have about 870 members. THIS MEANS that at LEAST 870 members now know about Multiple Myeloma, a disease I had never even HEARD of pre-diagnosis. I think it is safe to say that you may now check off step 1 of Operation: WORLD DOMINATION. Great Job Little Monsters/Myelomaniacs, great job! Now let's see this to the end and END.CANCER.ONCE.AND.FOR.ALL!

:)

And check out our interview with Global Shift!

This Shit is INSANE!!!

HOLY GUACAMOLE!!!!

OK. I just thought I would update everyone on what we've been up to and how the "Monsters Against Myeloma" event has been going :)

The last 24 hours have been BANANAS! Where do I even begin?!

Perhaps the beginning is a good start (obvi).

(I'm running on about 4 hours of sleep here, accompanied by +30C weather. So if I seem a little crazy, it's because I am)

1. Yesterday I did a great interview with the Edmonton Sun, answering questions about the MAM event and basically what we've been up to since the beginning of the year (diagnosis). It was quick, simple, and that was that! I was expecting the article to be a tiny little blurb in some obscure location within the newspaper, but DANG was I wrong. This morning I woke up to a text message saying, "You're on the front page! Congratulations!" My mom would later tell me that she had opened up a fortune cookie the night before foreshadowing a "surprise". Coincidence? (Link to our article HERE)

2. This bit might seem a little confusing, so i'll try to lay it out the best I can. Basically, we have kept my mom's situation on the downlow within my family solely for the reason that my grandparents don't find out. The very last thing we need is for another family member to get sick from stress. Not cool. So because of that, we had only told a couple families within our extended family. I'm not entirely sure WHAT I WAS THINKING when I was doing the interview and sent in the picture for the news article, but it definitely was not one of my brightest moments. So when I read the above mentioned text, I literally sat up straight in my bed and almost screamed. Yeah yeah, drama queen, I know. But I soon found out that the Sun had posted a HUGEEEEE picture of Gaga with a picture of my mom and I on the bottom. Yeah, that's not gonna get any attention AT ALL! You see, there are still people in my family that live in Edmonton who don't know about my mom's situation. I think I was somehow trying to get publicity for the event but at the same time foolishly pretend that my family would never get word of it? Silly SILLY Lance, Tricks are for... (you can complete this sentence). So for about a gooood...5 hours, I was a nervous wreck. I don't think I have been that stressed out since my mom was diagnosed. Yeah, brutes. I even lost my appetite (if you will remember, this also happened to me when mama bear was diagnosed). MY APPETITE! This is coming from a guy that feverishly watched 5 hours straight of Cake Boss...WHILST.EATING.CAKE! (and lots of it) Anyways, long story short, we haven't heard from any family members (yet), so we're hoping they didn't hear the news. My mom freaked out a little this morning, but now she thinks it might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. So... I'll roll with it. As long as she is cool, i'm cool. (PS: Is it weird that I am really really proud that we were featured FRONT PAGE, but also super angry of my incredible stupidity here?)

3. Today was the LAST day that mama bear received chemo before we start this crazy, wacky journey that is the "Autologous Stem Cell Transplant". It almost seems surreal. This abnormal routine has become such a constant fixture in our lives that it almost seems unnatural that we have stopped chemo (hopefully FOREVER AND EVER). Wow, I NEVER thought i'd see the day where I admit stopping chemo seems unnatural. Who would have thought? NOT I!!! Needless to say... Today is a monumental day for us.

4. I found out later on that PEREZ HILTON gave us a shout-out on Twitter, asking all the little monsters to join our cause, personally tweeting GAGA as well! Incase you weren't aware, this guy has a HUGEEEEE following!!! More than 2 MILLION followers on twitter!!! So to get M.A.M. on that kind of platform was BATSHITCRAZY!!!! Within half an hour of his tweet, we had more than 100 members join our group from all over the world! How amazing is that?!?! Little monsters globally uniting for a good cause. It's a beautiful thing. (PS: THANK YOU to whoever let Mr. Hilton aware of our event!!!!!)

5. (This week) I'm JUST getting over the cold (I know, WHO gets sick in the middle of SUMMER?!). It was one of those ones where you start of with a sore throat, then a cough, then fatigue, then faucet nostrils. Thankfully, i'm over that pain in the arse, but I think I might have accidentally gave it to my brother (oops) :( Perfect timing, eh? Well, while we were in treatment today, my mom's white blood cell and neutrophil (which go hand-in-hand usually) count were slightly above the normal range. Upside is, her immune system is working great! Downside, that could have been a sign that her body was creating an immune response to fight off something. NOT.GOOD. We need to get that down a little, which means my brother will probably have to be quarantined for the duration of his cold.

So YEAH! That's pretty much what's been happenin'! Monsters Against Myeloma is kicking into high gear now, so i'll DEFINITELY be updating more on that soon!

Hope everyone is doing well :)

Health, Hope, & Happiness

L

Reach for the Stars

Hi Everyone!

Ok so I just wanted to let you guys know that i'm temporarily putting the Wellness Wednesdays on hiatus. I am barely keeping up with this M.A.M. event with my mom's new little adventure (lets call it that instead of a transplant shall we?) coming up. But I PROMISE it will be up soon. And if I have time, i'll definitely be putting something up :)

Also, just an update. In less than a week, we have more than 400 people who have joined our group!!! Ahhhh that is so incredible! The power of teamwork truly is beautiful and inspiring. We even have people from as far as FRANCE who have joined! And get this, the OPRAH show is now following our twitter account! Can you imagine the amount of awareness we could generate on a platform like that?! The stars are the limit! We're going to conquer the world my friends :)

Monsters Against Myeloma

CALL TO ACTION!

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am an AVID Lady Gaga fan. She is my mother monster and I, her little monster. She is just... incredible. A force to be reckoned with. So, naturally, when word got out that she was having TWO shows in my city, I lost my shit. GONG to the SHOW. I bought tickets, and that was that! However, shortly after we found out that my mom was planned to undergo an Autologous Stem Cell Transplant close to the date of the concert. This kind of procedure reduces your immune system to nil. To give you some perspective, it is shot down to lower than that of a newborn baby's. It takes about 6 months, on average, for a person to fully recover from a stem cell transplant. So, unfortunately, that meant that I had to give up my tickets for the show. Sold-out concerts and jam-packed venues do not bode well for those wanting to avoid germs... As much as I love my mother monster (Gaga), I love my mama bear the most. I love everything about Gaga. Her music, her fierce independence, her love of life and passionate drive. All this is reflected in her body of work, right down to the sequin placed strategically, and unconventionally, on somewhere like her nose. But as much as I love her, I know she will FOR SURE be touring again in the future. I will have more opportunities to see her do what she does best. So instead of giving away the tickets, I thought, why not create something good from something bad? Thus, the birth of "Monsters Against Myeloma", a contest where a pair of floor tickets to Lady Gaga's August 27 show will be donated to the person(s) who can raise the most money for the MMRF (Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation). Multiple myeloma is a cancer not typically of the young. But the tides are changing. I have seen and heard of people being diagnosed in their 40's (like my mom) and 30's, something that would have been unheard of twenty years ago. I figure, with this contest, not only can we raise money for a good cause, but also awareness. We can raise awareness in a demographic that is unfamiliar with this disease. Encourage and inspire others. When people come up to me, upon hearing about my mom, saddened with the news, I make sure they know not to be sad, but to be angry, to rally together and fight for a cure. Although it is saddening, it is also something we should be fiercely angry about. These rising rates of cancer are NOT acceptable, and we need to make sure the right people know that. Through this contest, I am literally trying to save my mom's life. But not only that, also the lives of all the moms and dads and grandparents, and sons and daughters out there so that they might be able to see their children get married, have kids, and live a life worth living. I have included a link at the bottom of this post to our Facebook group page. Please join, even if you do not want to compete in the contest. Please join to inspire and encourage others to join and spread the word. Who knows, maybe even Gaga herself will get word ;) And if you like, please donate to this great cause. Paws up little monsters, paws up.

Monsters Against Myeloma

PS: If you have any ideas in how to further promote this event, PLEASE share them!

Lift Me Up

Music, for me, heals. I thought some of you might enjoy these.

If you need any suggestions, I have a HUGE list! So don't hesitate to ask :)

H4H

If you read my blog, you might remember a post I had made called "A Call to Arms". It was an invitation to any and all those affected by cancer to tell their story, stories of success and survivorship, to inspire hope and strength. So far, the number of responses that I have received have been... lets just say less than impressive. People are busy enough as it is with treatments, updates, and whatnot. But we're still trucking on and my hopes for the site are for it to slowly, but surely, grow to one that others can go to when they are feeling a little down or discouraged. As I have said to others, I realize that their already exist sites dedicated to such things. However, when my mom was first diagnosed, I was not aware of any despite the amount of research and web-surfing I did. During what was undoubtedly the darkest time of our lives, we had to find a way to lift each other up and find strength within ourselves to move forward. God bless all those who contribute to the ACOR ListServ, because without them, we would not know NEARLY as much as we do. God bless others who inspire hope and strength, like the Brabbs (MM for Dummies) and Margaret (Margaret's Health Blog). They have brought an incredible amount of light and positive energy in a world that can feel dark, scary, and lonely sometimes. It's a beautiful thing, no? Everyone working together, as a united front, to tackle this disease? Just like there are various forms of treatment, hitting myeloma from different angles, there are different resources that help to keep us standing. This, too, is done from a variety of angles, from humor and optimism to nutrition and well-being to the most up-to-date information and knowledge. When we hit cancer from all these angles, we become stronger not only as individuals, but also as a collective group. For H4H, although there are similar sites, I figure... The more resources and sites there are out there, the higher the chance there will be that those newly diagnosed and those feeling down will be able to discover, not necessarily H4H, but *A* site to help them out. Pat Killingsworth, who I am sure many of you are aware of, has just sent in his own story of strength, success, and survivorship. If you are not familiar with his blogs (Multiple Myeloma Blog and Help With Cancer), I highly recommend that you check them out. They are INCREDIBLY informative and host an abundance of the most up-to-date news out there. If you would like to send in your own story, I would love to put it up on the site! Until then, I hope you are all doing well :)

L

A Call to Arms

Hello everyone!

I have been thinking for a little while of creating a site dedicated to survivor and success stories to serve as a platform for hope and inspiration to others. I created a second blog, called Humanity for Hope, and would LOVE and ENCOURAGE any of you reading to submit a story to help others. Here is the description:

Hello friends,

My name is Lance. I have been thinking for a little while about putting together a site with a collection of survivor and success stories to serve as a platform for hope and inspiration.

Drawing from personal experiences, a cancer diagnosis can feel like an almost certain death sentence. For me, that time was undoubtedly the darkest moment of my life and that of my family member's lives. There is a certain feeling of hopelessness that one often feels during this time, it is a deep hole that sometimes seems impossible to climb out of. However, through this site, we can work together towards building a place where that light of hope we once thought distinguished can be ignited again. A cancer patient's life is full of many highs and lows, as I am sure many of you have experienced. If we can somehow minimize these lows and help lift each other up through these stories of hope, I truly think we could open up a world of good. We often place such a strong emphasis on the importance of drugs and science, yet sometimes forget the pure strength that hope can provide. Hope, in and of itself, can be one of the strongest forms of treatment that we can give ourselves. Sometimes, it is all that we need.

Together we can help push each other forward, because it is important to always remember that we are never alone on this journey. Tell us, tell the world, your story. Together, we can all help lift each other up. Out of the darkness that is a diagnosis, that is depression, that is disappointment. I called this blog Humanity for Hope because I envisioned it a result of a united front working, fighting, for hope. I have discovered just how beautiful and strong this community is. We laugh. We cry. We inspire. We push. We rally. We support. And we fight with a fierceness comparable to legends. Our bravery and our courage is truly quite remarkable. We, a group of people so weakened and devastated by disease, find strength in each other to conquer andfight our greatest fears. Consider this my battle cry against hopelessness and despair, something that we can all work together to extinguish. I urge you to join me in the fight to end cancer once and for all!

Please send your stories to: thecancerdiaries@live.com (Header: Humanity4Hope)

The website URL is www.humanityforhope.blogspot.com

I hope to hear from you all soon! Together we can inspire and raise each other up out of the dark!

L

Standing Ovation

Also,

Another member of the ListServ posted this earlier today. I love it!

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.  'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.' So she did, and she had a wonderful day.  The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she only had two hairs on her head.  'Hmmm,' she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.' So she did and she had a grand day.  The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.  'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going to wear my hair in a ponytail.' So she did and she had a fun, fun day.   The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.  'YEAH!'  she exclaimed, 'I don't have to fix my hair today!'

Attitude is Everything! 

Hair loss is a common side-effect of chemotherapy seen in cancer patients. Although many will often say that "Hair is just hair, it'll grow back", the issue can often run much deeper. Hair is not just hair, it's something that is a part of our personality, like our laughs and our smiles. The hair loss associated with chemotherapy is a strong symbol of a cancer patient's plight. Because momma bear is due for a stem cell transplant sometime in the summer, this is an issue that I have been thinking of quite frequently. Before all this stuff happened to us, as someone viewing from the outside-in, I used to associate the hair-loss as a sign of frailty and sickness. However, my perspective on the issue couldn't be any more different now. Now, whenever I see a patient suffering from chemotherapy-induced hair-loss, I see it as a true sign of strength. This might sound a bit awkward, but I really do think that this image, this "symbol", is actually quite beautiful. To see someone fighting so hard and willing to do whatever it takes, it is a sign of bravery, strength, and perseverance. One that deserves a standing ovation.

The 8 Commandments

For the last week, i've been thinking about the top lessons learned from everything that has happened so far. We've come a long way, and still have yet a ways to go, but you can never forget that one small step can turn into a mile. To say that this whole experience has been devastating would be an understatement. But, in many ways, it has also been very inspiring and opened my eyes to a world of good. These are my "8 Commandments", my most important lessons-learned up until this point, so far.

1. ADVOCATE: Stand up for yourself. This is your body, your life, and your responsibility. Don’t just sit there and expect an answer from your doctor. As brilliant as they are, our doctors do not know everything. New publications and studies are being published everyday. It is difficult for doctors to juggle patients, conduct research, and be on top of all the newest findings at the same time. Seek information and be active in your recovery. Question your doctor if your instincts tell you to do so. In general, if you have to go to the doctor more than once for the same reason, something might be up. In the end, this is your body and no one else’s. It is YOUR responsibility, and ultimately, you who will pay the consequences if you don’t do something about it. Here is a good example: Recently, there has been some discussion about the administration of Aredia and other biphosphonates on the ACOR ListServ. You should be receiving these medications in a minimum of 3-4 hours (the longer the better), and yet some nurses will only do so in a maximum of 2 hours?! That is NOT ok! As a patient or a caregiver, DEMAND more time. Stand up for yourself, there are no excuses.

2. CONTROL: In a time where you seem to lose your footing, gain control of your situation. Educate yourself. Seek information about your situation and how you can deal with it. Learn from other people's mistakes and follow in the path of their successes. There is nothing worse than to be unaware and uninformed about your disease. Utilize the resources that the world has to offer. Forums (ACOR LISTSERV!!!), Blogs, etc.

3. RESPECT: Respect your body, listen to your body. If you're tired, rest. If you're sad, cry. If you're happy, rejoice. Don't bottle up your emotions. And break it down to the basics: Eat healthy, exercise, drink water, and laugh. Respect your body, mind, and soul. Respect yourself.

4. BREATHE: Try to take yourself out of your situation and calm yourself. It might not be as bad as you think. Emotions can cloud judgement and cause you to make irrational decisions and receive unnecessary stress. This was a big lesson for me when we were first diagnosed. Just take a second and calm yourself. Don’t just inhale and exhale, breathe.

5. REJOICE: Despite the situation you may find yourself in, there is still much to celebrate and be thankful for in life. Be thankful for a beautiful day. Be thankful for a good night's rest. Be thankful for a good laugh and the fact that you had the opportunity to experience it. Be thankful for your loved ones. Be thankful for those moments of little or no pain. These are all things we can truly be grateful for. It's easier to remember that the world isn't always as bad as it may seem if you remind yourself of the little blessings and miracles that happen everyday. It's not easy... But it can help you move mountains if you let it.

6. SUPPORT: Surround and immerse yourself with those who will help lift you up. Whether this includes a random stranger or a close friend is up to you. Hey, why not both?! Don’t feel guilty if you need to ask for help. This is your life, and nothing (NOTHING) is more important than that. A word of advice, try seeking support from those outside of your immediate family. Sometimes, the stress of the situation is just…a lot. Keeping all that emotion balled up within your family can lead to a lot of bickering, additional stress, etc and end up doing more harm than good. Cast those emotions out into the world!

7. MOTIVATE/INSPIRE: Find ways to pick yourself up by discovering newfound ways to motivate and inspire yourself. Lets face it, the road to recovery for a cancer patient has a LOT of highs and lows. There are days where you will be so filled with joy you literally don’t know what to do, and others filled with disappointment. Learn how to pick yourself up and get back on that horse! The success stories of other patients is immensely motivational and inspirational.

8. CHOICE: In the end, you are given a choice. You can either choose to go around feeling sorry for yourself or you can choose to live your life, despite its setbacks, and fight this beast off with everything that you, your family, your friends, and supporters got (remember, you are never alone!). The choice is yours.

Some of this stuff might seem a little repetitive and redundant. But to me, it shows just how important these things are to me. I might give the impression of some happy-go-lucky perk; I can assure you, I am not. I have my dark days and my low-points. Lots of them. But these are things that I try to work towards, not grasp immediately. They are things that keep me honest with myself and pull me out of the fire.

If there are any other "lessons" that you have learned, I would love to add them to this list! Together, we can all help each other out and push ourselves forward! Shoot me an e-mail: thecancerdiaries@live.com with your information and i'll make sure to add it to the list!

Until then, best of wishes to all of you

L

Revelations & Tribulations

It's a little late right now, but I can't sleep (oh who am I kidding, I can sleep like it's nobody's business). There's just stuff on my mind that I need to let out.

It's been a little while since I posted anything in regards to treatment or myeloma-related. Life has been pretty consistent lately, nothing exciting. But I guess boring is good for now, right? Last week was the end of cycle 2, which felt like it went by in no time! February, in general, seems to have flown by! Good news is, the Velcade/Dex regimen seems to be doing its job and will hopefully continue to do so! M-spike levels are down by about 30% since diagnosis, which is pretty great considering we've only just finished our second cycle! As far as side-effects go, we've been blessed. And I'm thankful for every little blessing each day has given us. Aside from the obvious, my mom (and our family in general) hasn't been this healthy in a LONG.ASS time! She no longer needs to take iron supplements and her blood pressure is sitting at a very optimal level (around diagnosis, it was as high as 180/110!!! Now it hovers anywhere between 95/55 to 125/75). Things are, undoubtedly, a lot better. Ironically, cancer has forced us all to change for the better. We are stronger physically, mentally, and spiritually. Body, Mind, and Soul.

The other day, I told some of my close friends about the little situation that my family and I are in. A minor setback. I had told others, who are just as close to me, awhile back and it bothered me that I had waited so long to share the news... Which then triggered contemplation-mode. I had once wondered why my mom chose not to share the information with more people. I thought to myself, "if it were up to me, I would have tried to surround myself with my friends and family because I need their support through this". I know that she didn't (and still doesn't) want to tell many people because of all the commotion and stress it can cause on others (especially the grandparents), stuff like that. But it dawned on me the other day that the main thing that was pulling me back from telling my friends earlier was just simply because... It hurts. I'm not less-closer with these friends than the ones who already knew and am, by no means, in denial (I am trying to be as proactive as possible).But I realized that, for me, it all came down to the simple fact that it hurts every time I have to tell the same story. No matter how many times you tell someone that you or your family member has cancer, it doesn't really get easier. Every time I have to acknowledge that fact, it stings and it leaves a feeling of emptiness inside that brings you back to that "oh yeah" moment where you remember how serious the circumstances really are. It's like opening up scar tissue that has just finished healing. It's a wound that will never fully heal.

Despite that little revelation, I'm glad that I did it anyways. I'm not sure if this is how my mom feels, and I don't know if it will ever get any easier. In fact, this whole path that we've been shoved onto has been full of ifs, buts, and i-don't-knows. But what I DO know is that we've made it this far and are stronger than ever. I used to be a fairly pessimistic person, preferring to be safely negative than run the risk of being optimistic and disappointed. Complaining was something that I rather enjoyed, embarrassingly enough. But I've come to realize through all of this that there is always a good in every situation. How does that saying go again? You will always be able to see the light of a candle, even in a world full of darkness? My thoughts exactly. I'm taking baby steps here on what will undoubtedly be a long and arduous road. Will I ever be happy when I am complaining? I think not. And I want to be happy my friends, I want to be happy.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Just Breathe

Sitting in a local cafe on a beautiful Monday afternoon. A moment to myself, a time where I can just reflect on everything that's happened within the last month and a half. It's taken me a couple days to collect my thoughts together and really think, so this post spans a couple days. Careful kids, this ones a doozy!

It’s a beautiful morning today. The skies are blue, the air is crisp, and the sun is shining. I’m sitting in a coffee shop and find myself finally having a moment to reflect on everything that’s happened in the past month and some. Mom and Dad are probably sleeping away back home, resting and recharging their bodies for a new day. The last couple of days have been a little rough, to say the least. Since our last treatment on Friday, mom has been in quite a lot of pain. I’m not sure if it’s a sign that the chemo is working, or if it’s something else… but calling it fatigue would be putting it mildly as she needed assistance getting out of bed, walking, and getting out of her seat. She is such a strong woman, and it breaks my heart to see someone I love so much in so much pain. If there is a hell, then it is not one of flames and darkness. Hell is seeing someone you love in pain, seeing them suffer and not being able to do anything about it. That,my friends, is hell. It’s crazy how much of a rollercoaster cancer can be. I have never known anything so… terrifying, yet eye-opening, in my entire life. Everyday, I hurt. Some days are easier than others, but the fear and the pain are always there, like a snake that loosens and tightens its cold, suffocating grip around your heart. But at the same time, I feel a new sense of clarity and strength that I did not have before. It’s like I’ve been awakened by something powerful, profound, and meaningful. Almost like coming out of a fog with a newfound sense of purpose and direction. The highs are great and full of a weightlessness that makes you feel as if you’re normal again. With everything that has happened, you are able to truly appreciate and cherish moments like these because you know that a moment without pain and suffering is a moment to be thankful for. But the lows, they are equally as powerful, if not more. They are terrifying, devastating, and heartbreaking all in one. Since we first found out, I’ve discovered so much about my family and myself. I’ve discovered the power of optimism and hope. I’ve discovered how much it takes to draw strength from the deepest depths from within. I’ve discovered how powerful and important love and family are. When one first connects the word “cancer” to oneself, whether it be directly or indirectly through someone you love, your world falls apart. The ground beneath gives away, the sky comes crashing down, and you fall to your knees in such despair that you don’t know what to do, where to go, or even remember something as simple as how to breathe. Breathing is something that is regulated unconsciously and consciously through our body, something that is hardwired into ourselves to ensure survival. The impact of cancer was so devastating that, for about two weeks, I became a temporary asthmatic. I literally could not remember how to breathe properly. Constantly, I would find myself having to take deep breaths, not being able to draw enough oxygen into my system. Every time I drew a deep breath, I would get a feeling where my lungs would not be able to fill up completely. As if they were only able to draw in 80% of what they needed. I truly believed that I had developed a condition, but it was all in my head. The news had been so traumatic that I had become incapable of performing a task so simple and basic as breathing, to the point where I felt I had bruised my lungs from drawing so many consecutive deep breaths. Cancer was suffocating me. Breathing, something we do to draw energy from the world and live our lives, was being affected psychologically by my own body. And I wasn’t even the one with cancer! That is how much of an impact the news had on me. It temporarily persuaded my own body to betray itself, like cancer. When you first hear that cancer has chosen you or your loved ones, life is put into perspective. It forces you to take a big step back and seriously re-assess everything that you thought was important to you in your life. The effect of putting one’s life on a timeline that doesn’t all of the sudden extend into infinity is quite the experience. When we are healthy, we believe that we’re going to live forever, like immortals walking in the land of the dying and the diseased, completely unaffected. Cancer and other life-threatening conditions are myths and fables relegated to another universe. A universe eons away from the one you call home. It shouldn’t take something like cancer for us to wake up and realize how beautiful life is, to cherish each and every moment, to love, to smile, to just breathe. Because the truth is, we all have expiration dates, regardless of whatever foolish conditions you think may make you exempt from this universal fact of life. Life wasn’t created to be stretched over a period of time where we would forget what it meant. It was created so we could pass on our lessons and love, and more importantly, to truly live. When we are forced to realize this, it really is something else. What’s important to remember when you are diagnosed is that cancer is NOT a death sentence. Often times, the situation you find yourself in is what you make of it. It will be a death sentence if you let it become one. Never give up fighting and always look for newfound sources of motivation and inspiration. Today, research, medicine, and treatments are moving at such a rapid pace that a prognosis carries a diminishing level of importance (in my opinion). A doctor gives you a 5-year prognosis and you make it 6 years. So he gives you another 5-year prognosis, and so on, so forth until you’ve made it 15 years past your original prognosis. Whether you have cancer or not, you can't give up. Giving up is not an option. There will always be hope, even in the darkest of times. Hold on to it, believe in it, and use it to drag you out of the fire. This experience has changed me more in one month than any other experience ever has in my entire life. I won’t lie, there are times where a wandering thought will make its way into my head of what life would be like without my mother. My mom. My momma bear. And each and every time, my eyes begin to water and my heart begins to break. When you are suddenly forced to face your mortality face-to-face, it’s a scary thing and life seems so much more unstable and fragile. But you have to learn to wave those things away and stay on a path that will encourage you and support you. There are still moments where I will pause in sheer disbelief that this has become our new reality. I am still somewhat in denial, and I probably will be for quite some time. It's hard a thing to accept, even more so when it is forced on you like it has been on us and every other person affected by cancer. Everything moves so fast and quickly that you have little time to absorb. You're pushed and pulled in so many directions you literally feel like a dog chasing its own tail. Confused and getting nowhere. The world of cancer is vast and full of many unknowns. Time is of the essence. But not so much that you can't afford to pause and collect yourself, because you do have time for that. And it makes a world of a difference. Today (Friday), I met many lovely myeloma “warriors” at a support meeting (the first my family and I have ever been to). I’ve come to realize that there truly are angels on this earth, and some of them come in the form of nurses, doctors, support group members, and many others. These people are true godsends. Their hearts are filled with so much good. It’s amazing and leaves me overwhelmed and speechless. For those finding themselves newly diagnosed, I am truly sorry. This is not something that I would wish even on my worst of enemies. But if there is anything that I can tell you from my own experiences, just remember to breathe. Learn from my mistakes and our victories. I have felt what you feel, and let me tell you, the first 4-6 weeks are undoubtedly the hardest. The waiting. The pacing. The worrying. The news is devastating and traumatic, I know. At the time, we felt the most tremendous feeling of helplessness one could ever imagine. And trust me, trying to get a diagnosis during the holidays ain’t no walk in the park. EVERYTHING IS CLOSED! But know that you can gain control over your situation. Research, research, research and immerse yourself with as much information as you possibly can. And don't let anything discourage you! Information about the drugs you’ve been prescribed (side-effects, warnings, etc.), information about your condition (symptoms, care, etc.), information about nutrition (what to eat and what not to eat), information about precautionary measures (I decided to educate myself on CPR just in case I might need it some day (hopefully not)), and so on. There’s no such thing as being too well-prepared. The very basics for myeloma, that have been working for us, have been LOTS of water (at least 3L/day to help out your kidneys), plenty of fresh (if possible, organic) vegetables and fruits (for fiber and nutrients), daily exercise (to get oxygen into your system), cutting out refined sugars and processed foods (cancer FEEDS on sugar), and plenty of laughs (to keep your spirits up! Which is half the battle). For patients, like my mom, never stop fighting. Find a reason to fight! For your kids, to live a dream, to just LIVE. You will get broken and bruised along the way, but know that there will always be someone to lean on. Surround yourself with other patients, with family members, with friends. Surround yourself with goodness. And if you still find yourself alone or unable to reach out, know that you will always have me. Although I am still very new at this, an open ear needs no experience and you can talk to me about anything. Or, you can do what I did, and make a blog of your own and talk with the universe. Cast out your negative energy into space and share your goodness with others. For those of you who are caregivers, like myself, there will be times where you will feel helpless and other times where you feel like ripping your hair out! It’s ok to feel that way. Don’t feel guilty for wanting to take a breather for yourself. Take a break and spend a day to concentrate on yourself. You cannot help those you love unless you, yourself, are at your best. And for everyone, always remember to just breathe and believe. As I have mentioned, I am still very new at this. My advice may warrant a question or two from some of you, but what I lack in experience, I make up for in my sincerity and drive to overcome this beast with my family and all those fighting the good fight. I will share with you everything that I know so that we can all work together in finding the cure. If we work as a collective nation, we can and we will beat this thing once and for all.

Inter...regional Man!

On our way to our first support group meeting. It should be interesting and I'm curious to see how it's going to go. This will be our third time in calgary this week! I feel like such a jet setter!....minus the jet. Is it possible to collect frequent road miles!? :)
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

*Update*

Meeting went really well :) I was a little nervous going into it. I've never been to a support meeting of any kind, so honestly, didn't know what to expect. But everything about it was warm and inviting. The house, where it was held, was beautiful and homely, and the people were incredibly informative and supportive. Not gonna lie, I got a tiny bit emotional (but managed to keep that potential gongshow under wraps) because I was just so overwhelmed. From what? I'm not sure. Maybe it was because I was surrounded by people who...understood what we were going through. Maybe it was because everything just kind of caught up to me. Or maybe it was because we were all on the same path, fighting for ourselves and for each other. Who knows? As the meeting proceeded, I felt myself get slightly annoyed (not sure if that's quite the right word there...) because there were member(s) who seemed like quite the Debbie Downers. I thought to myself, "why is he complaining so much? Why is he being so negative?" etc. etc. But as the meeting continued, it dawned on me that maybe this was the only place where these people COULD vent a little, where they could complain and talk about their experiences with people who would genuinely understand. Because, as great as it is to get support from others, I don't think they will truly be able to understand what you and your family have gone through unless they, too, have gone down that road as well. So I get it now, and I suppose that's what a support group is there for, right? To be able to have someone to lean on, to lift the heavy weights off your shoulders (even if for just a moment), and to release your frustrations out into the world. Everyone is fighting their own battle, but we ALL are fighting the same war. The war to fight off this BEAST and find a CURE.