Truth?

When a pharmaceutical company tells you they "aspire to cure cancer", do you really believe them? Color me a cynic, but wouldn't that be the worst business model ever? You'll have to forgive my attitude. I feel like I'm bipolar today, going from disappointed and letdown to inspired and motivated to frustrated and scared, and then back again. I just learned that my mom may need to go through another transplant, and before Christmas too. This has NOT made me a happy camper. And while I realize that this is the case for many others, that doesn't change the fact that it completely fucking blows. To go through that procedure AGAIN!? How did this day go from hoping everything we've done would be enough to wash, rinse, **REPEAT**?! And to clarify on my previous post, I knew something was off with my mom's biopsy numbers... And now I know why. Her most recent biopsy before the last showed 16% and from that time to transplant, it went UP almost 10%! TEN!!!! I knew we should have tried more chemo before collection, but our doctors insisted that that wouldve damaged the stem cells. And I'm sure they were probably right, but I feel like something else could have been done... So now, our predicament now is whether or not to go with a transplant (time is of the essence) or continue with treatment. With Thalidomides new availability in Canada, I want to say treatment. But would that be best? Lost and Confused...
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Cheers

After a week of painstaking agony and stress, the results of the biopsy have finally come back. The percentage of myeloma cells now present in Mama Bear are about 12%. Definitely not what we were hoping for. I think I can speak on behalf of everyone when I say we were disappointed. After SUCH a huge procedure, our hopes were that it would be down to zero. So, that was definitely a letdown. I guess you could say we were hoping to get more bang for our buck. Apparently, however, my mom went into the transplant with about 24%. So, it was reduced by about half, which is great. But from my understanding, I thought doctors normally wouldn't proceed with a transplant unless you were 20% or below? Which leaves me a bit confused, as our information seems to be a bit contradictory... It's not that i'm not grateful or anything, because 50% is huge. But I was really really hoping that the transplant would have been the end of it. Seriously, I have never prayed so hard for anything in my life. To exert so much hope and trust into something, and then to have results come back with... not the best results, it puts you into a bit of a slump. Sometimes, on this journey, you grow weary of constantly trying to be grateful. Sometimes, you just want a damn break. Sometimes, you just want to have a bad day. Today would probably be one of those days... But i'm **trying** to look at the bright side, because 50% IS a lot. I'm trying to keep myself busy with school and everything, because I really don't have the time or energy to mope. So.. CHEERS to a significant reduction! Because the important thing is that the myeloma cells went down. That's all that matters. One woman we know, her biopsy showed only a 1% decrease post-transplant, which i'm sure, must have been devastating. But after a few additional rounds of treatment, she was able to get to a place where her myeloma was untraceable. I realize that getting down to 0% after a transplant, depending on where you start, is not that common (which actually makes me question the validity of this procedure...). And truthfully, at the back of my head, I had a feeling that we wouldn't get down to zero, just because of how high we started off at. Granted, the path of those impacted by cancer are filled with many highs and lows. And so far, our highs have outnumbered the lows. We have a lot to be thankful for, compared to many others. SO. We'll roll with the punches just continue to chip away, like we've been doing since January, until we get to where we need to be. If we can get through what we've gone through, then there's nothing that can bring us down.