Oh Happy Day!

Well, it's probably time for an update on Mama Bear and LIFE! How sweet it is :) Before I begin, i'll apologize in advance if my grammar and/or sanity get lost in translation. The repairmen came to fix a bunch of things in the apartment, so you know what THAT means! Yep, i've been inhaling the wonderful fragrances of GLUE, DRYWALL, and PAINT for the last 5-6 hours. joy. 
Anyway...
Mama Bear had her check up with the good doctor on Tuesday to see if we would need to go through with another transplant. Fuck. The days leading up to the appointment were filled with absolute DREAD as I had been almost 100% sure that she would have to go in (which would have been the following Thursday aka TWO.DAYS.LATER). Over the break, I had the chance to go back to the Tom Baker Cancer Centre for one of her chemo sessions and was able to look over her blood work. Her CBCs were pretty stable, but her Total Protein, which is a mix of both good protein and BAD protein (aka Myeloma protein), had gone up a little. Based on our history, rises in the total protein have never been because of the good protein going up. Aside from that, her Beta-2-Microglobulin levels had also gone up a little as well... Recent discussions on the ListServ on this matter have informed me that it is a new prognostic measure for myeloma patients. In other words, you do not want this number going up. Of course, I didn't tell her any of this because I didn't want her to worry. But all these things combined led me to believe that a transplant would definitely happen. Needless to say, it wouldn't have been a very good start to the new year. But, to my surprise, my mom answered the phone with sunshine in her voice, saying that her m-spike (myeloma protein) had actually gone DOWN from 13 to 11. Granted, it's not a lot, but any decrease is a step in the right direction, yes? That was a SHOCK. Our doctor had also said that her FreeLite Chain things (i'm still unsure about what these are exactly, so i'll have to research it a bit more) went down a lot. Apparently, it is a better indicator of where you're at than the m-spike? This, i'm not too convinced. I'm a little skeptical. Why had we never looked at these numbers in all the appointments before???? So, it's still something that requires a little more investigation on my part. But I do trust our doctor. He's a very good man, I just don't understand what's really happening and need to gain a little more information/control on my part. Anyway, he recommended, instead of a transplant, adding on another drug, Revlimid, to her current regimen. That brings the total to a chemo cocktail of 4 different drugs: Dexamethasone (Dex), Revlimid, Bortezomib (Velcade), and Cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan). Technically, Dex is a steroid, but whatever. A drug is a drug. I'm not the most elated with adding another drug to her regimen, as the body can only handle so much. And with the recent findings that Revlimid can cause secondary cancers, well... yeah. But I suppose it's better than the alternative, yes? I'm pretty sure another transplant is due down the road, but right now is probably one of the worst times to do one. Flus, slippery ice, cold weather, etc. do NOT make for an easy recovery. Regardless though, I'm extremely grateful that that day was filled with good news, more so that my mom didn't have to receive any bad news. I could tell BOTH my parents were relieved. It's funny though. The night before, I prayed, like any other night. But instead I decided to ask just that the appointment would go well. Just one thing, not a whole list of things like my overall family's health, happiness, etc. One precise, specific thing. And it's like God, or someone, heard my prayers. So since then i've just been sending up prayers of gratitude and thanks. Aside from the obvious, I have nothing to ask for right now and plenty to be thankful for. I can tell we're all growing a little weary of this, but anytime you receive good news, it   fuels the fires that push you forward. A dear friend of ours, whom we met during this whole ordeal, recently came thisclose to dying. From what I was told, his numbers came back so high they asked the technicians if there was a mistake, perhaps in a decimal placement or something. But nope, they were the real numbers. This was all in the post-transplant recovery in the hospital, so you can imagine just how discouraging that would have been. This is hard for me to write because it could happen to anyone affected with cancer, but it was suggested that they call family members to say their good-byes. That...is just heartbreaking. But. One morning, the numbers came back and...THEYWEREZERO!!! Miracles happen, my friends. Keep the faith and never give up. 


So that pretty much brings you up to speed on where the family is at. In other news, I'm just about to start the Phase II of my fundraiser and awareness campaign "Monsters Against Myeloma". If you've been following the blog, you'll probably know what it is :) Someone had heard about our cause and very graciously donated their own tickets to Lady Gaga's concert in Salt Lake City in March. So i'm supersupersuper excited (and supersupersuper busy) to get this thing up and running ASAP, hopefully by the start/middle of next week! I plan on contacting the media within a couple days to get the word out. So if any of you, my beloved readers, know anyone in the Salt Lake City area wanting to go to a Lady Gaga concert (c'monnn, who WOULDN'T?!), please let them know about our event! I realize fundraising can seem a bit daunting sometimes, but our last winner from the summer won two tickets with $250 dollars raised (most of our donations have come from those just wanting to support the cause). It's a lot of money, but also very do-able! So we've got that in the works. I also am in the midst of applying for any sort of volunteer position at the Edmonton Cross Cancer Institute, just to show my gratitude. Over the course of my mom's treatment, the volunteers and nurses really were the unsung heroes. I cannot even begin to tell you how much these men and women do, how much love and care pours out of them. While doctors are amazing, these people are truly the faces of care and treatment and are severely underrated in our society. So I really want to try and give back to the community to show my gratitude and help others who are going through what I went through just over a year ago. If any of you, my readers, have not been directly affected by cancer, I would highly recommend volunteering at a local cancer center. Yes, it will be very uncomfortable at first. I remember the first day we went in for treatment. Dear lord, that was horrible and very unsettling. But you get used to it, as with all things, and have the opportunity (because it really is an opportunity) to meet the most amazing and courageous people, and have your lives changed. Forever. 
Either than that, school is keeping me on the hustle as usual, studying lecture notes (yeah, right), looking for internships, and getting involved. BUSYBUSYBUSY! 


Hope all is well with you, my readers.
Sending good vibes into the universe and you.

L

2011

Dear 2010...
Don't let the door hit your nasty ass on the way out. 2011, can I buy you a drink?

Happy New Years everyone! Here's to a fresh new year full of love, light, health, hope, and happiness!

L
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Anniversary

"If there were ever a time that I needed a prayer to be heard, now would be it. Mom has cancer."

Immortal words I wrote down when my mother was discharged from the hospital exactly one year ago. It started out two days earlier as a sore throat and, somehow, ended up with cancer. It's absolutely incredible how much can happen in a single year. Your life can change in the blink of an eye. YOU can change. The experiences we have experienced in this last year can be described as nothing short of phenomenal, in both good ways and bad. We've been presented with a very... Hard reality. I don't want to say unfortunate, although in many ways it is, because it implies an unhappy ending to me. But to say this past year has been a struggle would be an understatement. However, a lot of good has come out of our situation as well. Its almost like Pandora's box, where all the evils of the world flew out once opened. But despite all the darkness and malice in the world, there's still a little light, hope. And no matter how big or small that light is, it is enough to be seen in a world of darkness. With hope we gathered strength, and with strength we built resilience and fortitude. Like a bricklayer, we built ourselves up, slowly but surely. This year has taught me many lessons in strength and perseverance, in appreciation and gratitude, and has given a depth to my perception of the world I never knew possible. Though it has been a difficult year, a number of unlikely blessings have revealed themselves, and I am extremely grateful for them. While it would be quite a stretch to say that these experiences have been blessings in disguise, there has been much good that has risen from our ordeal. The end of the year is a time for reflection for many, and this year is no exception. In fact, these last few weeks are more like a reflection of reflections amassed over time, an incredible sum of lessons learned and trials tribulated. And now, here we are. We've come full circle, back to the day where it all started. But the world is not the same, nor are we. As the world turns, life goes on and regardless of what happens, you gotta keep up. You gotta pick them legs up and move, because the world doesn't wait for anyone, and you end up getting left behind in the dust. Although I am only in my early twenties, I feel like an old soul. As traumatic as the last year has been (especially the first 4 months), I have learned more in one year than I have in 21. It's hard to put these experiences into perspective. People just don't understand, unless they, too, have been impacted by the claws of cancer. On one hand, you wish they could understand the depth and magnitude of your pain. But on the other, this is an experience that you would not wish on even your worst of enemies. It's a twisted reality, it is. Everything about cancer is twisted. You get jaded real fast on certain aspects and develop a deep respect and appreciation for others. Why is it when you are threatened with death that life seems so much more beautiful? It's like some sort of sick joke being played. There is still residual trauma that lingers inside from those first few months. Physically, I may have recovered. But mentally, still shell-shocked. Not a day has gone by where I do not think about the mortality of my mother. It is now a dark cursed cloud that follows me everywhere I go. Some days are only slightly overcast, while others, thundershowers. And I know my mother feels the same. I can still see the pain in her eyes, hear the sorrow in her voice. She's pretty good at covering it up, but this son knows his mother well. Overall though, I would have to say that we are all in much better places. Cancer has forced us to make certain lifestyle changes, both physically and mentally, which would benefit anyone regardless of the circumstances. We're completely different people now. You'll have to excuse me if this post seems a bit drawn out, i'm just writing down these words as they come to me.

In the past year, we've faced and overcome a cancer diagnosis, been on several different chemotherapy regimens, started a fundraiser that received world-wide attention, gone through an autologous stem-cell transplant, completely changed our lifestyles in the way we eat, exercise, and think, and so much more. We've come...a very long way, and we still have a long ways to go. But, if we've come this far, we can do anything. Currently, mama bear is on a mix of Velcade, Cyclophosphamide, and Dex to bring the numbers down a little more. We're hovering and debating the addition of Revlimid to her current regimen or the possibility of another transplant. With the news that Revlimid may cause secondary cancers, i'm a little hesitant to have her go on it again. Then again, what kind of chemotherapy doesn't have the risk of secondary cancers? That stuff is poison and meant to shock the system. On the other hand, the very thought of another transplant is exhausting and daunting. Due to overbooked hospitals, I'm pretty sure we've passed the time period that would consider this second one a tandem transplant (and thus, the possibility of higher effectiveness), so i'm a little reluctant to go down that route as well... It's not like these stem cells are an unlimited resource. We've got enough for one, MAYBE two, more transplants. So we have to be smart with our choices. As usual, we must face some tough decisions... In other news, i'm gearing up to start the second half of my fundraiser, Monsters Against Myeloma, so stay tuned for more information. I'm also planning to use this site as a resource for new updates and news in the MM world. Definitely lots of work ahead of us, but it's all stuff that will hopefully help us move forward :)

I'm thankful for what 2010 has taught us, but i'm ready for it to be over. I'm hoping with everything that I have that 2011 brings health and happiness to my loved ones. I've come to realize that the important things in life are the simple things. Now, with everything in my life put into perspective, things seem much more clear. All I could ask for in this life is for my loved ones to be happy, healthy, safe, and strong. Cheers to a (soon-to-be) New Year my friends.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

It truly is the most wonderful time of the year. Family. Friends. Food. Laughs. Love. Its a time where we are able to come together as one and enjoy each other's company (and not be judged by our mountainous plates of food). It's also a time to really sit back and reflect on the past, present, and future. What we are grateful for and the things that we cherish most. When it really comes down to it, family and those close to our hearts are what really matter. I think the reason why Christmas, and the holidays, have always been such a pivotal time of the year for me is because they symbolize so many important things. Within religious contexts, it signifies hope, light, and love. There is a warmth that emanates from the very thought of being together with my loved ones, enjoying each others company and eating together. I am so grateful to be able to have opportunities to come together like this. It truly is a blessing. For those of you spending the holidays alone, my heart goes out to you. There is always an extra space at the table here for you. And for everyone, I hope your hearts and your bellies are full tonight :).

Merry Christmas!

L

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Wish Bone

So tomorrow is the big day. Mama and Papa bear are going into the clinic to get a bone marrow biopsy done, which will basically tell us whether or not the stem cell transplant was effective. For those of you who aren't aware, this procedure is the best way of getting the most accurate image of "where you're at" because it gets a direct sample of the myeloma cells residing within the bone. Needless to say, i'm pretty sure I can speak on behalf of everyone when I say that we're a little nervous... Since my mom was discharged, we've been living in this magical land that goes by the name of ignorance. Ok well, maybe not ignorance, as we are not choosing to ignore anything here. But after a stem cell transplant has occurred, there is usually a period afterwards where you go medication-free and just focus on recovering, on healing. It's been absolutely amazing, almost as if nothing ever happened. As if our lives had returned back to normal, whatever that means anymore. But subtle hints, like my mother's lack of hair and an ever-present cloud hovering above my head (although small), show that reality exists, and gives this dreamscape away. Ignorance truly is bliss. The truth is terrifying. If I could stay in this moment of not knowing forever, I would be satisfied. But alas, the world does not work that way, and we all must come to face reality sooner or later. Whether that is a good or bad thing remains yet unseen. Sometimes, the truth is a hard thing to face. Yet we all manage to derive strength from within in order to do so. I will be honest, since the transplant, not a day has gone by where I do not think about the mortality of my mother. I have gotten better over time at ignoring or shunning these thoughts to the recesses of my mind, but that does not mean it isn't easy, that it doesn't cause me great pain. I don't think my brother, or even my father sometimes, realize to the full extent of what we have gone through and what may lay ahead. A blessing indeed, to not be burdened with such thoughts. Or maybe they do, and they just don't show it. I try my best not to. But there are times where I feel the lessons we've learned, such precious lessons, have already been forgotten among them. I hope not, because those are lessons that no one should have to re-learn. Since the transplant, I have literally prayed every.single.day for the same thing, hoping that they be heard by someone above. That this transplant, and all the treatments beforehand, be all that my mother needs in order to obtain a strong, sturdy, everlasting remission until a cure is found for her, that will work for her. Every day I have prayed for this, and the general well-being of those close to me. Every day. I have never prayed so much for anything in my entire life. And so now, here we are already, turning the page of a new chapter that will hopefully be filled with good health, hope, and happiness. Tomorrow is the day, and I am praying with everything i've got. Please pray for us.

Vive Ut Vivas!

Hi!

I was just contemplating writing another post or studying for my (ugh) Management Science exam coming up (it sounds as bad as it is) and realized that my last post was almost a MONTH ago! Shame on me *slaps wrist*. So here I am, almost a month later, bringing you all up to speed on what's been going on in our lives.

Since my mom was set free from the transplant ward, things have been quite calm, serene, and almost surreal-like. At least compared to when we were in for the transplant. Looking back, it seems as if we live in an entirely different WORLD now. My mom is like... Superwoman. The rate that she was able to recover exceeded even my own expectations. I knew she had her relatively young age, otherwise very healthy body, etc. on her side, but I was still shocked to hear when I called home one day (within the same week she was discharged) that she was "out for a drive".........BY.HER.SELF!

..umm WHAT?! Her naivety was cute, but DANG! I almost had a baby heart attack when I heard that. She was supposed to be at home resting and recovering, partitioning herself from the outside world and its GERMS. But I guess I couldn't really blame her for wanting to get a little air. Who wouldn't want a little adventure after spending almost two weeks cooped up inside a hospital room? Regardless, my mom was pretty much back to her normal strength and eating habits before she even left the hospital. From what I read and have heard, that can take anywhere from 4-6 months to get back to! And yet mama bear hadn't even been discharged??? We were talking about why we thought she was feeling so great post-transplant and came up with this: Organic vegetables and fruits, elimination of sugars, TONS of water, regular exercise, lots of laughs and smiles, and aloe vera juice PRE-TRANSPLANT(!!!). We had been seeing a naturopath (shhhh) for a little while and he had recommended taking aloe vera juice because it was supposed to help protect and regenerate the digestive tract. As i'm sure many of you know, the digestive tract is probably the part of the body that is hit the hardest - primarily due to the megadose of Melphalan. When your digestive tract goes, so too does your appetite and ability to hold down food and thus, your rate of recovery. My mom was pretty adamant and determined with her aloe-juice-taking and really credits it for why she was able to recover so fast. There were a couple days where she threw up, while we were in the transplant ward. But other than that, she didn't lose any weight (she had actually GAINED a couple pounds within the first week after discharge!). I'm not trying to sell or endorse anything to you guys at all, but I encourage you to do your research on it. If it is the reason why my mom was able to recover so fast, then many, MANY others would be able to benefit from this knowledge as well.

On another note, I had tried to.. well, fatty my mom up before she was admitted in order to offset the weight loss that was associated with the transplant. But apparently, this isn't really a good idea because the weight loss is due to a decrease in MUSCLE mass, not fat. So if you are someone you know is going into transplant, make sure they try to build as much muscle beforehand as possible.

I'm happy to report that mama bear is doing incredibly well :) Everyone is commenting on how good she looks, so that is great! We got back into Church when we were diagnosed (funny how that happens huh?) and really got back in touch with God (as I'm sure many of you can relate). My mom had to miss out on about a month's worth of Church when she was in transplant, and went right back afterwards - and no one noticed a thing! That's how good she looked! We have a couple doctor appointments ahead of us that entail a biopsy and re-staging. We're all a bit nervous... But hoping for the best. What else can you do, right?

Mama Bear and her cub

Family Thanksgiving :)

Friend Thanksgiving :)

With Thanksgiving weekend (here in Canada) just past, i've been able to reflect on what it really means to be thankful for what you have. Having my entire family in one gathering, eating and laughing (truly the BEST that this world has to offer!) - it was just incredible. I'm truly, truly thankful for everything that I have, the people in my life, and the lessons that I have learned. That weekend was definitely one massive moment of reflection. To think that one year ago, we had not yet been diagnosed...and then everything that we have learned since then? It's absolutely staggering, incredible, and humbling. Our journey with cancer has not yet ended, but for now, everything is perfect. Fall, my favourite season, is upon us and i've come to learn that it is essential to live in the moment. So naturally, I got a tattoo! I'd been wanting to get another one for awhile, so what better a time then Thanksgiving?! It says "Vive ut vivas", which means "Live so that you may live" in Latin. I thought it was fitting :)

Some Fall pictures on campus :)

So basically, that's pretty much you being up to speed :) My brother and I are currently back in school, and my parents are back home doing their thing. And i'm so very grateful to have such a simple luxury like that. I will admit, once everything was back to "normal", I felt this great pressure to do something amazing and life-changing. Coming from an experience like cancer and a stem-cell transplant, with all the lessons you learn and perspective you gain, I felt like going back to the ho-hum days of school weren't worthy of my newfound outlook. But i've come to realize that this "ho-hum" normality is exactly what we've been fighting so VERY hard to regain. This lifestyle, this ability to be somewhat "normal" again, really is a luxury, it is not a right. These lessons that i've learned, they are something that I am extremely grateful for, things that I will carry in my pocket for the rest of my life, wherever I go. This year has, undoubtedly, been the hardest year of my life. But it's also been the greatest (not ... "happy"-greatest, but more along the lines of "epic"-greatest, if that makes any sense). I feel like i've just returned from some grand adventure, a lifetime's worth of sorrow, gratitude, and wisdom on my back. I'm a changed person. We are changed people. And even though I know our adventure isn't over, I do know that if we were able to survive (and pass with flying colors!) the last 9 months, we're capable of overcoming anything set before us. And so are you. Never forget that! YOU can get THROUGH this! And if you ever need someone, know that I will always be here for you.

REBIRTH

Well, today is the big day! Today is the day that we've all been working and waiting for! Today is the day mama bear gets her stem cells back a.k.a Day 00. A lot of people refer to this day as their second birthday because you are receiving pure pluripotent stem cells (able to turn into RBCs, WBCs, etc.). That means that, somewhere down the road, my mom will have to re-receive her immunization shots (just like a child) because the "information" from her last vaccinations were not stored in these stem cells' memories. So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY mama!

11:20am
Stem cells are being re-introduced!

Beautiful Stem Cell Warriors

Stem Cell Warriors marching off to the front

11:25am

I will never be able to eat corn again...

Why, you ask?

WELL. Before the stem cells were infused back into the motherland, they were stored in a type of preservative. Now, as they are put back into my mom, her body starts to take up the stem cells and rid itself of anything else that is foreign a.k.a the preservative. This is done purely through the natural process of perspiration (not sweating, but just...diffusing out). As my mom exhales and her body perspires, the preservative, which has a HEAVY "creamed corn" scent, is excreted. At first, it wasn't that bad. But now, holy guac.

It. Is. THICK! I may need to go for a walk/breather so I don't pass out. Needless to say, corn will never taste the same again (if I can work myself to eating it again).

11:35am

Months of stress and anxiety. Weeks of work up (tests, medication, etc.). A day and a half for harvesting. All leading up to this critical point, the ACTUAL transplant itself. This grand and momentous occasion.

It took 15 minutes.

I must admit, for all the work that you put into this procedure, the transplant, itself, is QUITE anti-climatic. It is such an important procedure, a procedure that can make the difference between life and death really, that you expect something very.. I dunno, BIG! But just as fast as they nurses were in, they were out. I barely had a chance to take a picture because the stem cells were being infused back so fast. You almost expect something a little more intense. But, like I said before, perhaps great things come in small, humble packages. And that's exactly what this transplant was.

I was really hoping to take my mom out on pass (you don't start to feel the side-effects for about 3-4 days afterwards), but we are apparently a part of this new study (mama bear is only the second person to have gone through this at our hospital) where patients are given Velcade (chemo) before and after the transplant. Hopefully it will mean a long and lasting remission. Has anyone heard of this before? So that means we can't take her today after she's completed her hydration because she's getting her Velcade tomorrow. But afterwards, we should be good to go. I think she needs to get out of the hospital. Aside from the absolute STUFFINESS of this place, you feel like you're bunking in (as our dear friend, Carol, said) an A&W a.k.a Brown, yellow or Brown, orange color schemes. Let me tell you, whoever the hospital hired as their interior designer for this ward...Fail. Unless you have some weird fantasy to live in an A&W or something...

Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

7:0

It is exactly 7 days until my mom gets her stem cells reintroduced into her body (Day 00). Honestly, I think I am more anxious and nervous about this procedure than my mom is! She is actually very prepared to go in, but I can't help but feel a little terrified. Everything is just happening so fast. Hopefully it'll be the same for recovery as well... Prayer Warriors, please send a message to God that everything will go well. That this is the very last thing she will need before a long, deep, drug-free remission. Thank you.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

A Sign?

Went for a drive with Mama bear today, and THIS (pictured below) is what we saw! So beautiful. So peaceful. The elk had the most beautiful (and symmetrical!) set of antlers i've ever seen! Perhaps a sign of strength? It's broken up, but there was a FULL rainbow, from beginning to end! I've never seen the landing pads of a rainbow before! And you can't really see it here, but it was actually a double rainbow! Hopefully this is a sign from someone, letting us know that everything will be ok... A sign of hope? Lord knows we need it.