Oh Happy Day!

Well, it's probably time for an update on Mama Bear and LIFE! How sweet it is :) Before I begin, i'll apologize in advance if my grammar and/or sanity get lost in translation. The repairmen came to fix a bunch of things in the apartment, so you know what THAT means! Yep, i've been inhaling the wonderful fragrances of GLUE, DRYWALL, and PAINT for the last 5-6 hours. joy. 
Anyway...
Mama Bear had her check up with the good doctor on Tuesday to see if we would need to go through with another transplant. Fuck. The days leading up to the appointment were filled with absolute DREAD as I had been almost 100% sure that she would have to go in (which would have been the following Thursday aka TWO.DAYS.LATER). Over the break, I had the chance to go back to the Tom Baker Cancer Centre for one of her chemo sessions and was able to look over her blood work. Her CBCs were pretty stable, but her Total Protein, which is a mix of both good protein and BAD protein (aka Myeloma protein), had gone up a little. Based on our history, rises in the total protein have never been because of the good protein going up. Aside from that, her Beta-2-Microglobulin levels had also gone up a little as well... Recent discussions on the ListServ on this matter have informed me that it is a new prognostic measure for myeloma patients. In other words, you do not want this number going up. Of course, I didn't tell her any of this because I didn't want her to worry. But all these things combined led me to believe that a transplant would definitely happen. Needless to say, it wouldn't have been a very good start to the new year. But, to my surprise, my mom answered the phone with sunshine in her voice, saying that her m-spike (myeloma protein) had actually gone DOWN from 13 to 11. Granted, it's not a lot, but any decrease is a step in the right direction, yes? That was a SHOCK. Our doctor had also said that her FreeLite Chain things (i'm still unsure about what these are exactly, so i'll have to research it a bit more) went down a lot. Apparently, it is a better indicator of where you're at than the m-spike? This, i'm not too convinced. I'm a little skeptical. Why had we never looked at these numbers in all the appointments before???? So, it's still something that requires a little more investigation on my part. But I do trust our doctor. He's a very good man, I just don't understand what's really happening and need to gain a little more information/control on my part. Anyway, he recommended, instead of a transplant, adding on another drug, Revlimid, to her current regimen. That brings the total to a chemo cocktail of 4 different drugs: Dexamethasone (Dex), Revlimid, Bortezomib (Velcade), and Cyclophosphamide (Cytoxan). Technically, Dex is a steroid, but whatever. A drug is a drug. I'm not the most elated with adding another drug to her regimen, as the body can only handle so much. And with the recent findings that Revlimid can cause secondary cancers, well... yeah. But I suppose it's better than the alternative, yes? I'm pretty sure another transplant is due down the road, but right now is probably one of the worst times to do one. Flus, slippery ice, cold weather, etc. do NOT make for an easy recovery. Regardless though, I'm extremely grateful that that day was filled with good news, more so that my mom didn't have to receive any bad news. I could tell BOTH my parents were relieved. It's funny though. The night before, I prayed, like any other night. But instead I decided to ask just that the appointment would go well. Just one thing, not a whole list of things like my overall family's health, happiness, etc. One precise, specific thing. And it's like God, or someone, heard my prayers. So since then i've just been sending up prayers of gratitude and thanks. Aside from the obvious, I have nothing to ask for right now and plenty to be thankful for. I can tell we're all growing a little weary of this, but anytime you receive good news, it   fuels the fires that push you forward. A dear friend of ours, whom we met during this whole ordeal, recently came thisclose to dying. From what I was told, his numbers came back so high they asked the technicians if there was a mistake, perhaps in a decimal placement or something. But nope, they were the real numbers. This was all in the post-transplant recovery in the hospital, so you can imagine just how discouraging that would have been. This is hard for me to write because it could happen to anyone affected with cancer, but it was suggested that they call family members to say their good-byes. That...is just heartbreaking. But. One morning, the numbers came back and...THEYWEREZERO!!! Miracles happen, my friends. Keep the faith and never give up. 


So that pretty much brings you up to speed on where the family is at. In other news, I'm just about to start the Phase II of my fundraiser and awareness campaign "Monsters Against Myeloma". If you've been following the blog, you'll probably know what it is :) Someone had heard about our cause and very graciously donated their own tickets to Lady Gaga's concert in Salt Lake City in March. So i'm supersupersuper excited (and supersupersuper busy) to get this thing up and running ASAP, hopefully by the start/middle of next week! I plan on contacting the media within a couple days to get the word out. So if any of you, my beloved readers, know anyone in the Salt Lake City area wanting to go to a Lady Gaga concert (c'monnn, who WOULDN'T?!), please let them know about our event! I realize fundraising can seem a bit daunting sometimes, but our last winner from the summer won two tickets with $250 dollars raised (most of our donations have come from those just wanting to support the cause). It's a lot of money, but also very do-able! So we've got that in the works. I also am in the midst of applying for any sort of volunteer position at the Edmonton Cross Cancer Institute, just to show my gratitude. Over the course of my mom's treatment, the volunteers and nurses really were the unsung heroes. I cannot even begin to tell you how much these men and women do, how much love and care pours out of them. While doctors are amazing, these people are truly the faces of care and treatment and are severely underrated in our society. So I really want to try and give back to the community to show my gratitude and help others who are going through what I went through just over a year ago. If any of you, my readers, have not been directly affected by cancer, I would highly recommend volunteering at a local cancer center. Yes, it will be very uncomfortable at first. I remember the first day we went in for treatment. Dear lord, that was horrible and very unsettling. But you get used to it, as with all things, and have the opportunity (because it really is an opportunity) to meet the most amazing and courageous people, and have your lives changed. Forever. 
Either than that, school is keeping me on the hustle as usual, studying lecture notes (yeah, right), looking for internships, and getting involved. BUSYBUSYBUSY! 


Hope all is well with you, my readers.
Sending good vibes into the universe and you.

L

Truth?

When a pharmaceutical company tells you they "aspire to cure cancer", do you really believe them? Color me a cynic, but wouldn't that be the worst business model ever? You'll have to forgive my attitude. I feel like I'm bipolar today, going from disappointed and letdown to inspired and motivated to frustrated and scared, and then back again. I just learned that my mom may need to go through another transplant, and before Christmas too. This has NOT made me a happy camper. And while I realize that this is the case for many others, that doesn't change the fact that it completely fucking blows. To go through that procedure AGAIN!? How did this day go from hoping everything we've done would be enough to wash, rinse, **REPEAT**?! And to clarify on my previous post, I knew something was off with my mom's biopsy numbers... And now I know why. Her most recent biopsy before the last showed 16% and from that time to transplant, it went UP almost 10%! TEN!!!! I knew we should have tried more chemo before collection, but our doctors insisted that that wouldve damaged the stem cells. And I'm sure they were probably right, but I feel like something else could have been done... So now, our predicament now is whether or not to go with a transplant (time is of the essence) or continue with treatment. With Thalidomides new availability in Canada, I want to say treatment. But would that be best? Lost and Confused...
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Wish Bone

So tomorrow is the big day. Mama and Papa bear are going into the clinic to get a bone marrow biopsy done, which will basically tell us whether or not the stem cell transplant was effective. For those of you who aren't aware, this procedure is the best way of getting the most accurate image of "where you're at" because it gets a direct sample of the myeloma cells residing within the bone. Needless to say, i'm pretty sure I can speak on behalf of everyone when I say that we're a little nervous... Since my mom was discharged, we've been living in this magical land that goes by the name of ignorance. Ok well, maybe not ignorance, as we are not choosing to ignore anything here. But after a stem cell transplant has occurred, there is usually a period afterwards where you go medication-free and just focus on recovering, on healing. It's been absolutely amazing, almost as if nothing ever happened. As if our lives had returned back to normal, whatever that means anymore. But subtle hints, like my mother's lack of hair and an ever-present cloud hovering above my head (although small), show that reality exists, and gives this dreamscape away. Ignorance truly is bliss. The truth is terrifying. If I could stay in this moment of not knowing forever, I would be satisfied. But alas, the world does not work that way, and we all must come to face reality sooner or later. Whether that is a good or bad thing remains yet unseen. Sometimes, the truth is a hard thing to face. Yet we all manage to derive strength from within in order to do so. I will be honest, since the transplant, not a day has gone by where I do not think about the mortality of my mother. I have gotten better over time at ignoring or shunning these thoughts to the recesses of my mind, but that does not mean it isn't easy, that it doesn't cause me great pain. I don't think my brother, or even my father sometimes, realize to the full extent of what we have gone through and what may lay ahead. A blessing indeed, to not be burdened with such thoughts. Or maybe they do, and they just don't show it. I try my best not to. But there are times where I feel the lessons we've learned, such precious lessons, have already been forgotten among them. I hope not, because those are lessons that no one should have to re-learn. Since the transplant, I have literally prayed every.single.day for the same thing, hoping that they be heard by someone above. That this transplant, and all the treatments beforehand, be all that my mother needs in order to obtain a strong, sturdy, everlasting remission until a cure is found for her, that will work for her. Every day I have prayed for this, and the general well-being of those close to me. Every day. I have never prayed so much for anything in my entire life. And so now, here we are already, turning the page of a new chapter that will hopefully be filled with good health, hope, and happiness. Tomorrow is the day, and I am praying with everything i've got. Please pray for us.

BAHHHh1!!1

14 hours into our 24 hr urine collection...

and she forgot to collect.....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The trials and tribulations of this GOD-FORSAKEN test!!!!

The Harvest II

6:00AM
Up again! Here's to round 2! And THIS time, I actually went to bed at a reasonable hour! No zombies to-day!

8:50AM
I lied. Why was I so perky this morning? Me=zombie. We got some good news though. We're just about to start the harvest today andd our lovely nurse told us we collected about 400 million stem cells instead of the 200-something we had previously thought. From my understanding, one transplant takes about 275 million stem cells. So by the end of yesterday, we were closer to the two-transplant mark for the amount of cells we collected than we were for the single transplant. Two transplants take about 550 million stem cells, so we're getting there! If we can collect even MORE, that would be great! Waste not, want not right?

12:00PM

This is the "colorgram" that the transplant nurse uses while she is monitoring my mom. The tube in the middle is supposed to be a color that is in between the third color from the right and the third color from the left. As you can see, the tube is a bit dark, so some adjustments had to be made.

2:ooPM

TRANSPLANT IS OVAAA! We don't know our final numbers yet, but we've collected somewhere between 600-700 million little warrior stem cells! That is DEFINITELY enough for at LEAST 2 transplants!!!
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The Big T

So. Today is a big day. It is the first day in a very important and long process that will **hopefully** do the trick in setting my mom into a deep and long remission, until a cure is discovered. Yesterday I went to bed with a mix of emotions... This day has been a long time coming. And you would think 7 months would be plenty time to prepare yourself not only mentally, but also physically and spiritually. But the truth is, no amount of preparation can make you feel "ready" for this kind of procedure. Unless you've gone through it before, you really have no idea what to expect. And even if you have, I doubt the second time is the same as the first. We figure, it is best to just take this thing on a day to day basis. It can get a little overwhelming if you look at the process as a whole. So, baby steps here. Let's hope this thing goes by as fast as treatment has (its already been almost 7 months!!!).

In other news...
This has probably been one of the longest weeks of my life. Let's see:

Thursday (July 8) - Newspaper interview

Friday (July 9) - Front page news, damage control, last day of chemotherapy before transplant, PEREZ HILTON shout-out. HUGE influx of facebook group members!

Saturday (July 10) - Global Shift article

Sunday (July 11) - Unproductive M.A.M. Meeting

Monday (July 12) - Drama/Crisis/BIGTIMEDamageControl. My very first meltdown :) (total gongshow, by the way)

Tuesday (July 13) - Productive M.A.M. Meeting

Wednesday (July 14) - Bone Marrow Biopsy Results (74% down to 16%!!!!)

Thursday (July 15) - A **LOT** of M.A.M. Work

Friday (July 16) - Monsters Against Myeloma is LIVE!

Saturday/Sunday (July 17/18) - Rest

Monday (Today) - Begin Autologous Stem Cell Transplant process.

Shiz. We've definitely been busy. Overall, I think my stress level has probably gone up a couple notches. From the fundraiser to some family issues to the stress of the transplant, it is a miracle I have not been admitted into an institute yet. To tell you the truth, I am absolutely terrified of this transplant coming up. Not so much the procedure itself (although that is undoubtedly a bit daunting), but more so wondering how my mom will take it... All I want to do is protect her, but in these situations, it is QUITE a frequent occurrence to feel powerless... But not hopeless. Because there is ALWAYS hope. Sometimes it feels like a David and Goliath battle. But we all know what the outcome of that situation was right? ;) So, like every other day, I put on my brave face and do everything all over again. Its not easy, but you'd be surprised in the places you are able to draw strength from. We're starting a new chapter now, so wish us luck :) And for my prayer warriors out there, please pray that this thing goes without a hitch. That my mom has a super speedy recovery. And that it will be the last thing needed to set her into a long and lasting remission. Thank you :)

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Biopsy!

Just found out my mom's second, and most recent, biopsy results. I can't quite remember the exact number, but I think back in january mama bear had about 74% cancer cells within her bones. From what I understand, a bone marrow biopsy is the most accurate way of determining "where you're at". With that being said, my mom's results indicated that she went from 74% down to 16%(!!!!!!!!!). That is absolutely AMAZING!!!! Today is a good day :)

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And So It Begins...

Ok! Well that meeting was... Productive! It went really well, actually. We do not yet have the results back from her urine test, but our doc told us that our total protein (mix of good AND bad protein) is now in the NORMAL RANGE!!!! HALLELUJAH! You can imagine how elated we were when we heard that :) Being normal, that must mean that our m-spike protein levels went down a lot! So, as I mentioned before, we had no scheduled appointments after today. Well, we've decided to go for one more cycle of velcade/dex/rev to further reduce her proteins before we start prepping for transplant. June 15 is our consult date for stem cell transplant. Sooo, yeah. We're already at that point! I won't lie, I left the clinic with a mix of nervousness and anxiety (as did my mom). But, I think these feelings are normal and expected. This is a major milestone and treatment for us. I think we'll just need a couple days for everything to sink in. Good thing is, this is absolutely a step in the right direction, a step towards better health. It is completely necessary. We all know that. So, I guess we will have to start preparing for what is to come! Today was a good day and I am glad we are taking action and getting things initiated. *deep breath* This is another big step in our path to recovery. Wish us luck! All tips/recommendations/suggestions are greatly welcomed and appreciated.
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Vitamins and Supplements and ReallyAnnoyingBloodTests, Oh My!

So, as I posted earlier, we started seeing our nutritionist/alternative practitioner recently. So far so good. The following is a list of recommendations provided for us to keep in mind:

Tests

There are a couple tests that we've decided to perform on my mom to identify certain conditions in her body. Besides the typical CBC work done from our regular blood tests, we've also gone ahead with one called a "Urine Toxic Elements Test", which is used to identify the presence of any toxic metals within the body. Basically, you're hooked up to an IV (pretty much my mom's BFF at this point) that contains a liquid that draws out the metals in your body and helps excrete it into your urine (which is collected and shipped off to the US for analysis). Simply put, you're given what is called a "chelation" agent. It was important for us to do this during our week off because, as mentioned, it draws out metals from your body. That combined with chemotherapy would be too much on the body. I'll keep you posted on our results, which take about 2-3 weeks.

The other tests that were recommended to us included a "Comprehensive Parasitology" (identifies organism imbalances within the digestive tract) as well as a "Comprehensive Bio-Terrain Test" (determines the balance between the major regulatory systems in your body, allowing for a more precise dietary and supplemental recommendation). Unfortunately, we couldn't go through with them, and won't be able to until we have a good long break from chemo. Chemo basically effs up the results and skews the information you receive from these tests, soo we'll have to put these on the back-burner until ... WE ARE IN REMISSION! (*positive vibes/spirit fingers-motion*)

Diet

Basically, we just have to continue what we've already been doing. That is, eliminating flour products and gluten-containing grains (i.e. wheat, rye, oats, barley) as much as possible, eliminating sugar/sweeteners and refined foods, and cutting down on our red meat consumption. In terms of what we are to add to our diet, more organic and free-range foods, as well as raw fruits and vegetables (blended, juiced, or chopped up). Oh, and of course, PLENTYYYYYY of water (even if it forces you to be in constant close vicinity of a washroom.....which it does). In addition, cooking our food with olive or flax oils, or if you want to get all fancy pantsy, coconut butter, butter (ok, not so fancy) or clarified butter (ghee).

We were also advised to purchase some sort of "green" drink (ex. wheat grass or barley grass) or powdered green drink (ex. Pure Synergy, Berry Greens, Greens Rx). We bought the Berry Greens and Greens Rx and are very pleased with it. It seems to keep my mom's energy levels up and, more importantly, consistent. No peaks and valleys, my friends! I know fatigue is a huge issue with cancer patients, so it's something that we needed to address.

Vitamins/Supplements

Wobenzyme PS: enhances natural killer cell activity and immune communication. It acts as an antiinflammatory and stimulates your immune cells to focus in on cancer cells.

Avemar: enhances natural killer cell activity while reducing cancer cell DNA synthesis and repair.

A.H.C.C: improves immune strength during chemotherapy. It is derived from a type of Japanese mushroom.

Vitamin D: 8000 I.U./day(!!!) There is a TON of information on vitamin D, specifically D3. My most-recent "WW" post had some information about it.

Salvestrol Platinum: related to resveratrol, they promote cancer cell death (apoptosis) via activation of CYP1B1.

Chemo Support Formula: keeps the liver, kidneys, and nervous system strong during chemotherapy.

Therapies

Vitamin B12 (methylcobalamin): promotes normal cell division and growth while supporting nerve health. Specifically, these would be used to help with my mom's peripheral neuropathy. She's just starting to feel the tingling/numbness associated with the condition, so we thought it best to catch it early before any kind of permanent damage was done.

Modified High Myer's IV Cocktail: ensures basic nutrient needs are met. This is what we were receiving when I posted earlier today from the nutritionist's office! It was very interesting, actually. Basically, it's this little IV bag (once again, BFF...) that you're hooked up to that gives you, as the name suggests, a "cocktail" of different vitamins and minerals to replenish what your body is lacking. The nurse told us to note how much fluid was in the bag if my mom started to taste or smell something "vitamin-ey". Right away, my mom reported it within a couple seconds of administering the fluids. Initially, I thought that this would be a bad thing. But then the nurse told us that was an excellent sign as that meant that my mom's vitamin B levels were up to par and doing well! Yeeeeuh! Also something to note, after receiving the cocktail today, my mom felt pretty much energized throughout the whole day right up until around 1am. Hopefully that is the cocktail at work. HOPEFULLY. One other thing to note is that it is a water-soluble solution. From what I gathered, that means that your body takes what it needs from the cocktail and then excretes the rest through your urine within about 24 hours. This is important because it means we don't have to wait until our week off to receive it. If we administer the solution a day before chemo, that should give my mom's body ample time to absorb what it needs and get rid of what it doesn't so as to not possibly interfere with the other drugs. Correct me if i'm wrong?

Far Infrared Sauna: enhances tissue detoxification and elevates core body temperature which is known to slow cancer cell growth.

PHEW! that was a.LOT to get through! Now, out of that ginormous list, my mom decided that, for now, she would only pursue the basic dietary "rules", vitamin D (new dosage), B12 shots, and the Myer's cocktail. We were given this list of recommendations at the same time as when we were taking Revlimid for the first time. To be safe, we thought we would avoid all the other stuff (as most of them deal directly with the cancer and chemo) so as to not skew the results on how effective the Revlimid was. So, that's pretty much where we're at. I know it's a lot of information, but hopefully it helps you in some shape or form. Most importantly, our nutritionist is helping us plan for how best to recover from the transplant as quickly and safely as possible.

No Pee

Four simple words: 24-hr Urine Test

I saw this little note in the bathroom today and thought it was cute. I'm sure you can all relate to the pains of this test. Last time we forgot to collect, and the whole test was RUINED! It's enough to throw someone into a conniption fit of epic proportions.
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An Interesting Day...

Ok so today marks the second half of cycle four! Wowzas! Time sure flies when you're...bizzayyy! When I think about where we were three months ago compared to today, well... We've come a long way. We're in a better place right now, that's for sure :) it's a lonnng road, but we're on our way to recovery! Baby steps people, baby steps. Before you know it, you'll be better and on that ever-elusive cruise around the mediterranean or wherever you choose to go during that PRECIOUS treatment-free time off (be it one year or ten years) that you worked so hard to achieve. We're about 50% down in those naughty, naughty cancer cells as compared to diagnosis! Normally by now, we would expect our numbers to be a bit lower. However, as the good doctor explained, we started at a very high level of those pesky cancer cells, so obviously, it might take one or two more cycles to get to where we want. As far as I'm concerned, as long as the numbers are going down, that is a reason to celebrate :)

A few...interesting moments from today. First off, I'm convinced that curcumin has some sort of positive effect on a myeloma patients body, and there's a lot of evidence out there to support it. But apparently, not enough. Our doctor is pretty awesome, but he's a little skeptical when it comes to these things. At least that's the impression that I get... Anyways, we met with him today (even though it's not our week off, which I will explain shortly), so I had decided to prepare a care package of sorts abundant with lots of curcumin goodness. For the last two days, I read what felt like a million papers and journals on curcumin so that I could try to convince him in some way. I even made side-notes and placed them all alphabetically in a pretty binder to make it easier and more appealing for him to read. I showed it to him, and he didn't even take it! To say I was a little irritated would be a slight understatement... I was not impressed. He said he had read the studies and unless there had been human studies, he was not comfortable using curcumin. Fair enough. But, here's the thing. There HAVE been human trials! I don't know if he was trying to protect his ego or something, which would be absolutely ridiculous if that were the case, but he was not very receptive. *SIGH*. Guess ill just have to keep pushing. The effects of curcumin have been quite remarkable in many MANY aspects. Hopefully more evidence in HUMAN studies will come out to support this little miracle, NATURAL drug.

Ok, so story number two. Last week was our week off, which meant that we had our consult with our doctor as well. The thing is, we didn't see him, we saw the nurse practitioner. She was super nice and everything, but...the way she spoke was a bit confusing and roundabout, so we ended up leaving with more questions than when we had come in with. Needless to say, I was not impressed. We only see him once every three weeks, so I don't think that its unreasonable to request him specifically. I realize that these doctors can get VERY busy, but we would gladly re-schedule or wait an extra hour or two to talk to him. Anyways, I sent an e-mail with these sentiments, which led to him meeting with us today. I meant no disrespect, I was just standing up for my mom. We deserved to see him. So, with that being said, I'm prettttty sure the nurse practitioner was well aware of my e-mail as was evidenced by the stink-eye whenever I saw her..... But maybe it's all just in my head :)

Last bit of info. Today's CBCs were pretty good, actually they were really good! Momma bear's WBCs went from 5.2 to 8.3 (normal range= 4-11), platelets from 239 to 299 (nr=150-400), and neutrophils from 3.0 to 7.0 (nr=2-9). And this is chemo week! Sooo... Its a little weird that the numbers went up instead of down... They're great numbers, but I'm a little concerned that it might be a sign of infection or something... I asked the nurse and she said that its only a cause for concern if they're way above the normal range, so I'll take her word for it... But, assuming and PRAYING that these are just good numbers and nothing else, that is REALLY GOOD news :) (how awful would it be if someone was playing some cruel april fools joke on us?!?!)

All in all, today is a good day :)

I will now proceed to some "Don't Stop Believin" courtesy of the kids from Mckinley High (surrrrrious GLEEk right hurrr) and chinese food!
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Revelations & Tribulations

It's a little late right now, but I can't sleep (oh who am I kidding, I can sleep like it's nobody's business). There's just stuff on my mind that I need to let out.

It's been a little while since I posted anything in regards to treatment or myeloma-related. Life has been pretty consistent lately, nothing exciting. But I guess boring is good for now, right? Last week was the end of cycle 2, which felt like it went by in no time! February, in general, seems to have flown by! Good news is, the Velcade/Dex regimen seems to be doing its job and will hopefully continue to do so! M-spike levels are down by about 30% since diagnosis, which is pretty great considering we've only just finished our second cycle! As far as side-effects go, we've been blessed. And I'm thankful for every little blessing each day has given us. Aside from the obvious, my mom (and our family in general) hasn't been this healthy in a LONG.ASS time! She no longer needs to take iron supplements and her blood pressure is sitting at a very optimal level (around diagnosis, it was as high as 180/110!!! Now it hovers anywhere between 95/55 to 125/75). Things are, undoubtedly, a lot better. Ironically, cancer has forced us all to change for the better. We are stronger physically, mentally, and spiritually. Body, Mind, and Soul.

The other day, I told some of my close friends about the little situation that my family and I are in. A minor setback. I had told others, who are just as close to me, awhile back and it bothered me that I had waited so long to share the news... Which then triggered contemplation-mode. I had once wondered why my mom chose not to share the information with more people. I thought to myself, "if it were up to me, I would have tried to surround myself with my friends and family because I need their support through this". I know that she didn't (and still doesn't) want to tell many people because of all the commotion and stress it can cause on others (especially the grandparents), stuff like that. But it dawned on me the other day that the main thing that was pulling me back from telling my friends earlier was just simply because... It hurts. I'm not less-closer with these friends than the ones who already knew and am, by no means, in denial (I am trying to be as proactive as possible).But I realized that, for me, it all came down to the simple fact that it hurts every time I have to tell the same story. No matter how many times you tell someone that you or your family member has cancer, it doesn't really get easier. Every time I have to acknowledge that fact, it stings and it leaves a feeling of emptiness inside that brings you back to that "oh yeah" moment where you remember how serious the circumstances really are. It's like opening up scar tissue that has just finished healing. It's a wound that will never fully heal.

Despite that little revelation, I'm glad that I did it anyways. I'm not sure if this is how my mom feels, and I don't know if it will ever get any easier. In fact, this whole path that we've been shoved onto has been full of ifs, buts, and i-don't-knows. But what I DO know is that we've made it this far and are stronger than ever. I used to be a fairly pessimistic person, preferring to be safely negative than run the risk of being optimistic and disappointed. Complaining was something that I rather enjoyed, embarrassingly enough. But I've come to realize through all of this that there is always a good in every situation. How does that saying go again? You will always be able to see the light of a candle, even in a world full of darkness? My thoughts exactly. I'm taking baby steps here on what will undoubtedly be a long and arduous road. Will I ever be happy when I am complaining? I think not. And I want to be happy my friends, I want to be happy.
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PRAISE JESUS!

Just finished our first round of checkups with our doctor and everything went really well! We got the results back from mom's chromosomal test and everything came back normal. You have NO idea how relieved I was to hear this. Like, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. I went into calgary extremely nervous and anxious and came out overjoyed! When we were sitting in the room waiting, I sent out a silent prayer pleading that everything would be ok. Once I heard the news, my mind was a huge blur of "THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU"s for about a good two minutes. I feel like a kid on christmas morning. THAT is how happy I am :) I don't think my parents understand how good this news really is, because if it came back abnormal with any sort of chromosomal deletion, that would have been some bad news bears. So, I'm ecstatic, but my parents probably think I snuck a dose of my moms Dex or something (it makes you really hyper and energetic. Think... The mom from "There's Something About Mary"). The only thing is that they forgot to mark off the correct things for her blood test so we won't be able to know exactly how well the chemo has been working until next week... But since she started chemo, the pressure in her back has almost completely disappeared, which is an excellent sign! The doc says that he expects her to go into remission after stem cell therapy! Bahhhh so happyyyyy :D. Tonight, we celebrate!!!
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It's A Beautiful Day

Woke up to this beautiful image this morning. We live in a postcard :)

Another day of treatment. I FINALLY figured out how to semi-read these darn blood test results. Moms CBC is pretty good, hovering around the normal range, so that's good. Finally discovered where the M-protein (one of the primary means of "tracking" your progress/treatment) is on the sheet as well. Its labelled as monoclonal protein. Alas, it was further broken down into type 1 or 2, which I have yet to understand. Getting closer though :)
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Update!

Sitting through treatment with momma bear right now. I'm so so thankful that these things are less than an hour! We could do it in less time, but she prefers to take her kytril through an iv and have a full saline flush, which takes about an extra half hour. But she's comfortable with that and it gives her some time to rest, so whatever works right? Since the last time we were here, the numbers that we want up are up and hopefully those we want down have gone down (I looked through her files (which apparently I am not allowed to do due to legal reasons) and was able to look at a couple of the test results hehe. Sneaky me!). Since her first treatment, she has noticed that the pressure in her back has been reduced quite significantly, so HOPEFULLY HOPEFULLY HOPEFULLY that means that treatment is working and the myeloma cells are being reduced (thus, less pressure inside the bones). The sun is shining and she's feeling pretty good today, so ill take that as a sign that today will be a good day :). There is a fundraising race/marathon for MM in the summer that I'd really like to enter. Preferably the 5k. However, yesterday I discovered just how physically NOT.IN.SHAPE I am thanks to mr.treadmill. At 2.5k I was OVER IT! Sooo looks like ill need to do a little bit of training until then. But I'm excited! Ill consider it a goal to work towards. Anyone care to join me? :)
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Herrre We Go!

So today marks our very first treatment of chemo and all went well! We were quite surprised actually to the amount of time it took for the nurses to administer the chemo. Anti-nausea took about 15 minutes and the actual chemo(Velcade) took literally, like, five seconds! Then another 15 minutes for a saline flush and we were good to go! Yayyy! I had originally planned to update during the treatment (for a more "in-the-moment" kind of feel..ooh the excitement!) But I soon found out that I had to register my phone on the site to do so. Got a new phone the other day, so I feel like I should give you an advanced warning for what will surely be a ton of spelling mistakes and text talk (grammar junkies, look away!) Its probably due to the fact that my fingers are apparently OBESE and like to hit several different buttons at once. Either that or this keypad was made for pygmies as the target market... Anyways, moms spirits are up and were running into this with our heads held high :) So far, no symptoms. Hoping to god it'll stay that way!!!!
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